About a week ago, I was asked by a friend, what worked for me when I lost a bunch of weight. I am (clearly) not a doctor, but I thought I’d share this email I wrote, which is what worked for me:

1 ) Don’t eat after 8 p.m. If you absolutely must eat something, make it raw veggies or a handful of nuts & a small glass of milk, and don’t eat more than 100 calories. If you eat properly during the day, you should be fine till morning. Of course there are exceptions – going on a date with your husband stuff like that, and those days are OKAY! You can’t obsess over every calorie, or you’ll drop out of the whole thing.

2 ) Use LoseIt or My Fitness Pal (if you have an iphone/itouch) If not, there must be calorie counting programs online and ways to figure out how many calories you should eat as determined by your current activity level, height, etc. Also, when you eat 1200 cals a day and work off 800 of them, making your allotted calories 2000 a day, do not eat the 800 you “earned” – at least don’t eat all of them. That’s where you lose weight. Don’t starve yourself, obviously, but try drinking water first in case it’s just your body telling you you’re thirsty. Hunger pains aren’t always about hunger – quite often, I’m thirsty.

Bottom line of #2: record everything. even a tablespoon of peanut butter.

3 ) Re-learn what to eat and how much. Half your plate should be veggies, a quarter of it should be a lean protein and a quarter a complex carb. Read. Learn what portion control is and try new things. OR eat 5-6 smaller meals a day – I ever had time (or patience) for that. Do you like spicy? Spicy stuff ramps up your metabolism nicely. If you miss your faves, learn how to cook your faves in different ways. I LOVE mac ‘n’ cheese, but 2 eggs + 2 laughing cow cheese, scrambled, topped with shredded real romano = very close to mac n cheese taste. Try new recipes. I can give you a small list of blogs I like for healthy stuff that isn’t super complicated (another post if you guys want?). And every veggie tastes good drizzled with olive oil and baked in the oven; especially cauliflower.

4 ) Move. Every day – something. Running = high calorie burn but it’s hard on the body. Join classes, a gym (I go to one & love the variety of classes – especially Zumba! AND I’ve made friends there and told them I want to be accountable so we support each other.  Try not to be shy – every last person at that gym has flaws and struggles just like you, and when you talk them up at a few classes, they become more friendly and open and are just as glad to have a new friend! Try a bootcamp, search facebook for groups in your city that will help you get started. Join teams, sign up for races, give yourself goals to work towards and try to mix it up a lot so you don’t get bored.

5 ) Get off the net. Set times to do your blogging, business, email etc. Quit twitter for a week and see how much time you have. It’s amazing the time we lose on the net, being in the community we’re in. Dance while you clean house. Get outside. Play with the kids, go for bike rides, hikes, walks, swim, whatever. Sit as little as possible. I know. I KNOW. And GO TO BED at a decent time so you get 7-9 hours. I struggle with this one big time, but lack of sleep = body making cortisol which = more body fat.

6 ) I use google calendar to set appointment times for exercise whether it’s boot camp, a class, a bike ride, a walk, or shred. I try to stick to it as much as I can – obviously life gets in the way but if you’re making yourself a priority, you’ll take good care of yourself. Sign up for dailymile & track your workouts too – it’s rewarding to see the awesome work you’re doing.

7 ) Water is your best friend. Don’t drink anything but water (and some milk – especially if you’re running – it’s good protein for getting rid of muscle pain – as are bananas.) No soda, alcohol, and no juice – juice is terrible for you!

8 ) When is the last time you went to the doc? Had iron checked? Blood pressure? My doc gives me access to a free nutritionist too – I haven’t gone yet but maybe find out if your doc offers that? If it’s been a while since you’ve seen your doc, write out your plan, and have things checked out so you aren’t hurting yourself.

9 ) Take it slow at first. You gotta walk before you can run. Walk for a week, 5km a day. Should take you about an hour to walk that far. If you have an iphone/ipod touch, you can start couch to 5km if you want to start running. Find a buddy, and if you do work out with friends – do not compare yourself to them. Always compare yourself to yourself in the past. You’ll look back at a month ago or a year ago and realize you started all of this by walking. you’ll be faster, and stronger than you were. Celebrate your successes!

10 ) Stretch each muscle 20-30 secs after you work out. Injuries aren’t fun. Do you see a chiropractor? I find mine is a godsend and educates me on how to stretch and avoid injuries. Not totally necessary but definitely something I personally wouldn’t want to go without.

Lastly, you are going to have days where you don’t wanna work out. You’re sore, hungry and grumpy. Put your shoes on and walk anyway. BUT – you should have planned rest days.  Also, it’s okay to occasionally fall off the good food wagon. This stuff doesn’t happen overnight and if you make it so regimented that you can’t enjoy life, then loosen up a bit – take a day off. Try not to weigh yourself very often – you’ll see your clothes fit differently before you lose pounds – pounds really are not a good indicator of fitness & health.

If you lived here, I’d totally support your efforts and take no excuses – I do that for friends and they do it for me. I know this email is loooong and overwhelming but I’m here if you have questions, or if you have a bad day or whatever you need.

You can do this. and if I believe that, shouldn’t it be easy for you to believe it too?

xoxoxo

p.s. Don’t forget to avoid Pebbles in Your Underwear!

Before:

Mostly I straighten it, like in the last post, but it is naturally this way.  I’m tired of the colour, that seems to keep getting lighter and lighter.  Going darker today.  Chestnutty, deep brown.  And I might chop off enough to make myself cry, I don’t know yet.  I kinda love having long hair because I am forever traumatized by this.

My best friend is coming with me.  The one that had a baby a little while ago.  She’s got a massage booked and SO deserves it. I need this girl time since it’s been a really weird couple of weeks around here, especially with being down and out with the swine flu for nearly 10 days (at least we can’t catch that again!).  I also need someone to come and wash my floors because I so don’t have time (or the desire).  I mentioned that to my Granny and she said, “The day I call a cleaning service is the day your grandfather would sell this house!”  I know myself well enough that I would clean before the cleaning service came over anyway so I guess it’s all on me to find the gumption to wash the damn floors.  Tell me again why we picked such a dark wood?

Granny and Papa come tomorrow to see my brother’s new baby girl (and us too) and so it’s gonna be a busy weekend!

I’ll post the after picture here asap when I get time, and answer whatever questions are left down there.  Later gators.

I recently told my Granny that I have always felt I had to prove myself to the entire family, that wasn’t anything like my mother.

She assured me, of course, that I wasn’t.

Believe me when I say I know now, that I am not.

I remember the exact day I heard this song and how it made me cry.  I was sitting in my grandparent’s living room, cross-legged in front of the wall unit that held their stereo, with gigantic headphones on.  I think I was about 17 years old.

Please listen, if you haven’t heard it.

When I was born, they looked at me and said,
what a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy.
And when you were born, they looked at you and said,
what a good girl, what a what a smart girl, what a pretty girl.

We’ve got these chains that hang around our necks
People want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath.
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same,
When temptation calls, we just look away.

Chorus
This name is the hairshirt I wear
And this hairshirt is woven from your brown hair.
This song is the cross that I bear,
Bear it with me, bear with me, bear with me, be with me tonight,
I know that it isnt right, but be with me tonight.

I go to school, I write exams,
If I pass, if I fail, if I drop out,
Does anyone give a damn?
And if they do, they’ll soon forget cause it wont take much for me
To show my life ain’t over yet.
I wake up scared, I wake up strange.
I wake up wondering if anything in my life is ever going to change.
I wake up scared, I wake up strange
And everything around me stays the same.

Chorus

I couldn’t tell you that I was wrong,
Chickened out, grabbed a pen and paper, sat down and I wrote this song.
I couldn’t tell you that you were right,
So instead I looked in the mirror,
Watched TV, laid away all night.

We’ve got these chains, hanging round our necks,
People want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath.
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same when temptation calls …

Chorus

When I was born, they looked at me and said;
what a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy.
And when you were born, they looked at you and said;
what a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl, hey

I hid my tears from my grandparents that day.  I didn’t know how to explain how the song made me feel, how I was fearful of upsetting them with any sort of teenage angst, afraid any emotion would be met with suspicion that I was exactly like her.

It wouldn’t be the first time I suppressed my voice, on my own, to prevent causing pain to another or, worse yet, out of fear. And I know why I did it. Growing up with my crazy screaming banshee of a mother, I learned early to say what she wanted to hear in order to avoid upsetting her.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how I froze, like a deer, when in situations such as these.  How I’ve shaken the ice from my very soul and become more brave, through blogging.

Every once in a great while, I catch myself saying what the other person wants to hear rather than saying what I really feel.  I used to do this with Daren a lot.

I realized today, in talking with a friend who is dealing with her own issues, that I don’t do that anymore.  Not for the little things, anyway – certainly not like I used to.

When I went to the doctor today, I told her everything and I was certainly a bit stutter-y and scared.  She listened, she read my notes and we came to a conclusion that I would indeed see a specialist for further evaluation and help with some of the smaller pieces of the puzzle.  We also agreed that drugs were not the best solution at this point since we could not properly diagnose anything. We agreed I need to set a bedtime (look, I’m 114 minutes late for bed!) and try my very best to start running again since it did wonders for my schedule & overall feeling for so long before.  Yeah.  Sure.

I left feeling rather stupid.  Yes, I realize I’m no doctor.  I also realize that a couple of blog entries and a couple hundred comments do not make a formal diagnosis.  I appreciate that we are moving this to a therapist level, one who specializes in my kind of situation.  I also can appreciate that she didn’t throw a bunch of pills at me and send me on my way.  She listened, she analyzed, we discussed and we planned.  That’s what a good doctor does, right?

I guess I left feeling stupid because while I realize this therapist is going to help me change these things in my life, motivate me, organize me, whatever – I kind of think that maybe I’m being a lazy bitch and I should be able to do these things for myself.  But I swear to you, I feel paralyzed about taking action with any of these things.

One thing at a time, she said.  She heard me when I told her about my previous diagnosis of PTSD.  I mean she really heard me.  Then she said something that struck me like a slap in the face though.  Well first she said, these things will surface from time to time, and?

You will be holding on to them forever.

WHAT?

Fuck me.  Seriously?  I thought I had dealt with this shit.  I hold no anger for my parent’s douchebaggery.  Yes, I think about them a lot.  Yes I pine for a normal mother and father.  Yes I see my mother’s eyes and my father’s smile when I look in the mirror.  Yes I struggle from May to June with the arrival of Mother’s Day and Father’s Day and yes I remember their goddamn birthdays every year.  Okay, so maybe I’m a little teensy bit angry.

We’ve got these chains that hang around our necks
People want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath.
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same…

S’cuse me while I process this.  It’s a bit of a doozy to realize this isn’t something you can cure yourself of.