“You Suck.”

October 29, 2011 I'm A STUNDENT.,Me, Unplugged,Stuff I'm Thinkin',Sugarpants Goes to School

“You Suck.”

I have heard this, in one form or another, many times since I started school last year.  I’m not gonna lie, it kinda hurts.

Between school, kids, the husband, the house and trying to maintain my sanity by sleeping and exercising enough, I have said no to many things:

- Girls nights.  Girls nights in PJ’s, with wine and too much food and lots and lots of laughs.

- Parties that involve my credit card. You know the ones – Tupperware, Fantasia, Pampered Chef, etc.  Not really parties, but still a fun night to hang out with the girls and do a little financial damage.

- Actual parties. Fancy ones, or in the case of tonight, several Halloween parties where I could have gotten dressed all skanky and had a really good time.

- Several dinners with my family/husband’s family.

And for the record, I really hate missing out on all this stuff, but I need to put school first.

I’ve said yes to a few things: dates with my husband, a family stag ‘n’ doe whereby I lost my dignity by selling Jello shooters in my ham-covered socks (I don’t even know what happened that night), a wedding, a play, and quite a few coffee/lunch/cross-border shopping dates.

I have plans to see my sisters and besties near the end of November.  December looks quite insane once exams are over - especially with family stuff.

I said no to four separate events today, and I felt terrible about it.  I know I can’t be everywhere. I certainly know that my school workload is not conducive to a crazy-ass social life.  But I chose this.  I want to be a nurse more than anything. I’m excited. Driven. Happy.

So when I say no, please don’t take it personally, and say to me, “You suck.”

I am doing the best I can.

And I don’t suck.

Five by five: Things you don’t know, things I do, and what I believe

October 28, 2011 Me, Unplugged,Stuff I'm Thinkin'

I shamelessly stole this from Adam, because I’m busy as heck, and I wanted to blog, but all I have in my head is vital sign baselines and ambulation techniques.  So yeah. This is what you get.

Five things you don’t know about me:

1. I have a hard time speaking up in class, because I get red-faced and I think that the younger people in my class think I’m too old to be there.
2. I am confident in my abilities as a nursing student, but terrified about being a nurse. I hope that changes.
3. I start to sweat when I’m too close to someone (besides family) – I hope that changes too, given I’m going to be a nurse.
4. I worry way more than the average person. When I’m not worrying about someone, I’m worrying about the fact that I have nothing to worry about and have a sense of dread.
5. Despite points 1 through 4, I outwardly portray a sense of calm, confidence and sometimes nonchalance, so that no one sees my CABW (Crazy Ass Brain Waves.)

 
Five things I am knowledgeable about:

1. School. I am DAMN good at school.  Total. Nerd. It helps that I love it so much.
2. My family.  I am a great mom, wife and I keep this house running better than average, most of the time.  My kids and I have a wonderful, open-communication type of relationship and I hope to continue that through the rest of their lives.
3. Conflict. I am a problem solver and get great delight in solving interpersonal issues.  Thank GOD, because one of my kids is entering his teenage years and so far, holy shit. (It sucks that this kind of thing has to be unbloggable, because OH MY GOSH PEOPLE. The drama.)
4. Nutrition and Exercise. I have read all kinds of stuff on these topics and once I master the art of motivation, my pants will be a more favourable size.  For now though, I quite enjoy doing what I can, when I can, and I have to accept this body the way it is – and honestly, it WORKS well, so I’m really thrilled to have that gift.
5. Advocacy.  I quite enjoy researching problems and advocating for vulnerable people.  I like creating change that effects policy and I think it will serve me well to have those skills, once I’m a nurse.

Five things I know nothing about:

1. Being a boy. Well duh, I know.  But the dynamics of being a young boy is something I’ve been researching lately, because there’s a whole different world for boys that my guys are navigating, that as a girl, I know absolutely nothing about. Can someone say Pissing Contest?
2. Gossip and drama. I see this at school occassionally, and I’m baffled by it.  If someone has a problem with me, I would hope that they would just tell me, because I am CLUELESS if someone is mad at me and ignoring me, or talking about me behind my back. I have no clue how girls deal with this shit in the age of Facebook and stuff. I don’t do drama, and yet, some people thrive on it and live by it, and quite frankly, never grow out of that.  I would like to live my life without that sort of stress, considering how little time we have on this earth – it’s much more fulfilling to just accept people for who they are and enjoy the life we are given.
3. Organized religion. I have made many attempts to understand various religions, and I’m fascinated by every last one of them.  But I can honestly say, I don’t know that much about religion, and I would like to learn more.
4. Scrapbooking. I have a close friend who does it and is very good at it.  I recently had to do a project where I interviewed a family member and scrapbooked the content. Needless to say, it took me forever. I decided to donate my project to my teacher (she requested this –  for class use in subsequent years), because I never want to see it again!
5. Grass.  I grew up in apartments. I never had a lawn before I got married & we bought a house. Which is why, when I thought I was helping Daren by fertilizing our lawn this past summer, he was irritated when I dumped the thingy with the stuff in it, on the grass and we ended up with several patches of missing grass on our front yard. Our neighbourhood is full of people that care more for their lawn then I thought was humanly possible.  Once of these days, I’m going to cross stitch something that says, “My life will never be about my lawn.” and hang it for all to see. Because really?  It’s GRASS. Who cares?

 
Five things I believe:

1. Everyone should be not just accepted, but celebrated for their differences.  Related to that, grown-ups should get to marry who they want.
2. We should never turn our backs on someone in need, no matter how difficult the situation.
3. Everyone who can, should donate blood, donate time, and/or donate money, as often as they are able.  If you haven’t done any of those in a while, please do it in November.
4. Friendship is forever.  Even when life gets busy, even when you haven’t spoken in a long while, even if you’ve hit a bump in the road; friendship is 100% FOREVER.
5. Everyone has a story.  Everyone has had hardship and/or heartbreak. Every person in this world deserves to be treated with kindness and patience, and be encouraged to follow their dreams.

Final Answer.

May 17, 2011 Me, Unplugged

It seems almost silly to type this out, since I’m already working towards it, but the one thing I’ve always wanted to do is become a nurse.  My big question of 2010 was whether I want to be an RPN (Practical Nurse – called a LPN or just PN in most areas) or an RN (Registered Nurse).  The former is an additional 2 years of school after the one I just completed, and the latter requires a degree and 3.5-4 more years.

The year I just completed is almost like Grade 13, or a prerequisite  to any healthcare career.

After so much debate your head would spin, I decided to simply do the RPN (2 year program for now.)  For many reasons:

• I raise my boys solo a lot of the time, and between (figuratively) knocking their heads together for not picking up their socks, endlessly fighting Mount Saint Laundry, cooking, cleaning, shopping, and trying to find time to exercise on top of commuting to school and school work itself , it’s ENOUGH.  I don’t want to commit to the 4 year program while my kiddos need me. They did well this last year as I got my first taste of college in 17 years.  It wasn’t easy, but my kids were amazing and I think they are teaching me as much as I’m teaching them.  By the end of the school year, we made a great team and I was so proud of them for being so incredibly helpful, cooperative and mature.  I think having added responsibility has helped them grow.
• My oldest son is entering his formative years. He will be 13 this year and I’m um, terrified.  I’m watching my close friends locally and online very carefully and I hope they make alllllll the mistakes before me so I can learn.  No offense, Teen Moms, er, Moms of Teens.
• RN’s here typically end up in management positions.  I’d rather raise rabid monkeys than manage people ever again.  I did it at 26 years old for a major company and I made great money and hated every minute of it.  It’s not my thing.  I want to work with patients, and be a worker bee, so RPN it is! I will be truly happy doing that.  I’m not becoming a nurse for money – I don’t even need to work for the rest of my life.  I’m doing this because I want to; I’ve always wanted to.
• Over the next couple of years, I’m going to get the opportunity to work in several different clinical positions.  I have a handful of departments I think I’d enjoy, but I’m keeping an open mind, because who knows? I might have a clinical assignment that I fall in love with.  I can’t wait to get started, though I will admit, I’m a little scared.  The learning curve next year is going to be a much steeper one than it was this year.  I’m working through an online course, as well as this textbook this summer, trying to get a jump on things:

Size Matters!

• Why else do I want to be a nurse? Because clearly, I’m crazy, but also totally okay with being imperfect.