Food Confessions

November 26, 2009 It's On Like Donkey Kong,Muffintop

So it’s been 3 days since Adam and I started the Avita-Sugar bet and I truly thought my downfall would be food.  I mean, once I’m in a groove at the gym, which truly sets in after a day where I’ve run (I crave it – it’s so sick and weird, more on that in a sec), I’m good to go.  But I think losing weight is 30% exercise and 70% food.  I read that somewhere and it’s always stuck with me.  When I did South Beach and didn’t exercise, I lost 10 pounds quickly.

Confession: the reason I like to run is so I can eat ice cream.

I love food. Like many, I love food more than I’d like to admit.  So much so, I hide my “extra” eating from everyone, Daren included.  I once had this friend I worked with who smoked during the day with everyone on their smoke breaks, but she hid it from her husband.  He was in some sort of respiratory field and he hated smoking.  She would freshen up before returning home every single night and not smoke again until work the next day.  I asked her once if she craved it over the weekends.  She did, but she was so ashamed, she just didn’t smoke.  She thought he would divorce her if he found out.

That’s how I am with eating, minus the divorce part obviously.  I wait for Daren to be asleep on the couch or at hockey to sneak goodies – usually sweet stuff – and mow down.

I’m not proud of this – in fact, I’m very ashamed that I haven’t been able to control this until now.  I’ve done it all my life.  It probably stems from having a mother who portion controlled everything on our plates and how she made us ask for anything from the kitchen, including a glass of water.  Acknowledgment of the problem, check.

So in reading up on the best ways to get eating under control and chock full of nutrients, I started a food diary.  I’ve never kept one for longer than a week, but I found an iPhone app that keeps your info and I make myself use it.  It also records your exercise, and tracks your poundage daily.  (It’s called LoseIt!, and it’s FREE.)

What I’m quickly learning is that if I choose the right foods, I stay fuller, longer.  (In my head I knew this but always rationalized these thoughts away when a tempting treat was available.) While Daren and kids have always eaten healthy, I have gained a lot of this weight because I eat stupid things.  Confession # 2: many days I would have a Rockstar Roasted Coffee (sometimes 2, though you’re not supposed to do that) and nothing else all day until dinner, so many times I ended up with headaches.  Then I’d gorge all evening.  Confession # 3: some days I would eat nothing but a bag of Smartfood along with that Rockstar in the morning and then wake up in the night to throw it up because of the heartburn.  SMRT.  Not.

My metabolism?  My body?  She is confused.  She is so used to starving, binging and purging, (and often just binging) that this last 3 days have been an awakening.  With this little plan, I hope to sort her out.

I have made myself eat a healthy breakfast.

I have taken the time to make and eat a healthy lunch.

I have drank water like a freaking fish.

Dinners are always a bit wonky with the paper route and the kids’ sports but I managed to get it right all week.

I have stayed in the proper calorie zone and I’ve only been super-hungry once when I got busy doing things with the kids and had a late dinner Wednesday night.

I have recorded every calorie, even the semi-bad ones made possible by homemade Rice Krispie squares.

I have gone to the gym three days running. Literally.  Running.  Dudes.  So happy to be running again, I can’t even tell you.  The craving for running is so fucky and weird and awesome.  I love it so much, except when I’m doing it.  I just like the aftertaste of running. Ha.

And though it’s only been three days, I feel so. damn. good.

Last night I slept like a log.  My focus is returning, I’m getting things done that I’ve been meaning to do.  I feel GOOD.

I feel tight though.  Running tightens muscles and tomorrow I’m treating myself to a Yoga class. I was thinking of running beforehand but is it bad manners to show up to a Yoga class all sweaty?  If I have to ask, I’m going to assume it is.

My point: I’m back, bitches!

p.s. as of this morning, I’m down a pound.  It’s probably water, but I’ll take it, thankyouverymuch.

p.p.s. This week has been one thing after another tragedy/stress-wise,  and normally I would have bailed on this 10 times over, but I haven’t.  Thanks for the push Adam, and thanks to everyone who commented on the last post for all your encouragement.  It truly means so very much.

p.p.p.s. If anyone has recipe sites to share, I’m mostly sticking to South Beach type foods, and my husband would be grateful if I never again made tilapia the way I did on Tuesday night.  The word “drywall” was tossed around.  I used olive oil, limes, lemons, salt, pepper – but apparently not enough.

Operation Offspring Bootcamp is in Full Effect – Apparently for My Ass Too

September 1, 2009 It's On Like Donkey Kong,Stuff I'm Thinkin',Sugarpants Family

When we last left our flailing heroine, she was on the front lines of tantrums and turmoil.

Five days ago, the young wards were out of control heathens without any sort of end in sight.

Bootcamp began Friday morning, without warning.  After a grueling weekend of consistency, discipline and time outs out the ying-yang, these two rogues took to cleaning up without being asked, saying things like “please,” “thank you” and “excuse me,” and finally, getting to bed without incident.  We still have to work a bit on the dawdling with the oldest.  “I just have to___” turns into an extra 20 minutes.  (I was totally the same way as a kid.)

In short, I have MY kids back.  I’m not wiped out at the end of the day, I can talk to Granny on the phone without interruption, and we’ve even had some fun!  Yesterday I took them for a bike ride, and decided I would power-walk alongside Thomas because I didn’t think he would be that fast.  Guess who’s running again after being a sloth all summer?  I had NO IDEA Thomas could pedal so fast.  My shins and I are in a fight.  AND?  We’re going out again tomorrow.

(Shit.  I should could have been exercising with these rugrats all summer and working off all those beers.  Whoops!)

The kids were so good yesterday I let them have friends over all afternoon.  It was a great day, my two were 80% sweet to each other, and they all kept each other busy, so I sat on the front porch and played Sally’s Spa on my iPhone all afternoon (Oh! Oh!  I wanted to tell you that one of my very best friends in the whole wide world bought it for me.  I loves her and we’ve been friends for a million years.)

It’s nice to have this time off – I really really needed it.

I think the kids needed it too.  It’s nice to get up in the morning and not spend an hour or five on the laptop – we eat breakfast together, have fun all day and no offense to anyone out there, but I don’t think about blogs/Twitter all that much.  I tweet a little from the phone but really?  I’m enjoying this time a lot.  I’ve taken a ton of pictures, and even created a collage in our house of them.  I found two huge boxes of keepsakes while I was cleaning out our basement so I think I’m going to try my hand at scrapbooking.  Maybe.

I also spent 3 hours creating a budget to save more money, pay off the mortgage faster and generally be grownups.  I’ve set in motion the goals of creating time blocks where I can do a massive cook-off & freeze meals that would be easy to grab for hockey nights.  Dylan has been expressing a lot of interest in cooking so maybe I have a sous chef here.  He made killer guacamole twice now AND baked a cake from scratch (something I’ve never done myself.)

So yanno, lasagnas, shepherds pie, chili, stir frys, (anyone else got ideas?) … I was also thinking of doing some ziploc bags with a cut of meat, veggies, spices and a bit of water in them, and as long as I thaw them the day before, I can chuck them in the crock pot the morning of a hockey night and dinner will be ready when we get home blah blah blah this is turning into a yawnfest.  Bottom line?  Last year we spent far too much going out to eat.  Eating out isn’t good for my ass either.

Um, ew.

Yeah I’m not even going to try and re-word that.  Hahaha…

p.s. On Sunday, we even bought a car for Daren.  Dude is now riding in style with a James Bondish type car, all black.  When I told Granny, she said “I’m buying him suckers for Christmas.  With that bald head and his new car, he’ll be just like Kojak!”

I was all, “Who’s Kojak?”

Yeah, I know, I’m young.  Who Loves Ya Baby?

Don’t Worry About Me

June 8, 2009 Douchebaggery,It's On Like Donkey Kong,Me, Unplugged,Muffintop

Why is it when you try to do something good for yourself, you end up getting those fucking well-meaning people saying shit concerned things like,  “Isn’t 3.5 pounds in one week a little high?” “You’re not starving yourself again are you?” and “Maybe you should slow down.”

(there were many exceptions that were very encouraging on twitter & facebook, as well as an exception of Suebob who sent me the sweetest email. LOVE her.)

Holy. shit.

Let me tell you a few things.

Yes, I’ve had eating disorders in the past.  The most recent was in 2007 when I starved away 26 pounds.  When I got help for the underlying issues behind that, I gained it back and more.  I have a problem with food.  I love love love food.  I like it in excess, and up until 2 weeks ago, I was gaining enough weight that I felt like absolute shit all of the time.  I particularly have a problem with sugar.

It’s a weakness, a personal fault, one of my worst downfalls.

So when I saw Leslie, Lotus & Haley twittering about giving up one thing to get healthier, I jumped on board and gave up sugar.  Every time I put something in my mouth, I think of these girls.  It’s like a little safety net of friends who check in on each other.  I hold myself accountable to these 3 women, at least until I can hold myself accountable for myself.

I need the strength in numbers.  When one of us falls, another will come along with encouraging words.  I find that day-to-day we’re in different moods, at different motivation levels and I’m really glad someone is always there to kick me in the ass or pat me on the back when I need it.  On top of that little group is the Shredheads.  I’m running at about the same mileage as Kristen currently, and even though I don’t Shred again yet (I did once and promptly wanted to die), I know there are Shredheads who are just starting out and I might add that to my week somehow.

I just saw Y declare on Twitter that she was starting “Operation Will Probably Look Like I Usually Do at BlogHer.”  At first I laughed, but then I thought about it.  You know, I’m not going to be able to promise X number of inches/pounds lost by BlogHer, and quite frankly I don’t care about that.  So yeah, I’ll probably look the same as I normally do for BlogHer, with a little less belly fat (it’s shrinking, yo!)  I’ll be surrounded by friends (hopefully you!) and they could care less if I have a giant mammoth ass or 18 rolls or not.  Besides, this whole fitness thing?  Not for BlogHer.

It’s for me.

My health.  My future. My husband. My kids.

I really don’t see anything wrong with that.