When Crabby Meets Lucky
April 20, 2011
This morning I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I wasn’t upset about anything in particular, nor was I angry. I was actually pretty quiet, speaking in soft tones to the kids as I made their breakfast and got them ready for school. It was a peaceful morning, but I felt glum. Crabby. Blah to the power of 10.
I drove the kids to school, and went through Tim Horton’s, treating myself to a large double double instead of the regular I usually get (the extra cream and sugar was necessary today).
I know I am stressing out about exams, and I’m feeling rather frustrated with the grey, rainy, cold weather we’ve been having – the darkness is really taking it’s toll these last few days. If someone sees the sun, could you send it my way? I haven’t been going to bed at a reasonable hour, and I’ve been eating like total Shitty McShitster too. I don’t know what’s happened this week but I need to get back to taking better care of me.
I know that in one week, I will feel so relieved to have exams behind me and I made sure to take today to plan my studies so the freaking out going on in my chest could be calmed. It helped a little to get a handle on what needs to be done. I’m hoping to alleviate the chest pains I’ve been having on an intermittent basis as of late. Now before anyone freaks out on me to go see a doctor, let me assure you: I know my body. I know this is just stress. Case in point: I had two panic attacks on the weekend. I know all of this will settle very soon.
Just keep swimming…
A local friend and I had planned to run tonight. All day I fought the urge to cancel. I thought that if I didn’t go, I would somehow get SO much more studying done. That was the lazy-ass devil on my shoulder talking. The angel on my other shoulder tried to tell me I would feel better if I went.
Knowing that I had made that commitment kept me from canceling.
Angel: 1, Devil: 0.
So we ran tonight and surprisingly, it killed my low expectations and it was a super good one. I think I’m going to make sure from now on, that I walk a teensy bit longer at the beginning. It really makes a difference in my motivation to get past that first mile when I’m finding my groove.
After a sweet 6.9km walk/run, I was on air again. Gone were the stresses of exams. Gone were the worries about all kinds of things going on in the next while. (Gone were 894 calories!) I was proud of my pace and perseverance, and had a wonderful time chatting with my friend about our lack of athleticism as children, and our development since we both began running, which coincidently, was around the same time.
I made us some smoothies and we sat around the kitchen table, talking about all kinds of things until she had to go. I’m sure we could have talked for hours.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my friends and just how lucky I am. This past year or so has taught me to open myself up more to people, to trust easier, to lean when I need to. It’s amazing how people respond differently to you when you do that. You don’t have to be the best at everything and compare yourself with others internally or otherwise. I’ve said it before: comparing your current self to your old self, and knowing just how far you’ve come can be a HUGE motivation to keep going. I remember when I could barely run one minute. My friend and I talked about that tonight – about how important it is to set goals for yourself that aren’t based on what other people are doing.
When I first moved here, I really didn’t do well at opening up – I had walls up and trepidation, and I was scared and insecure.
Now, I am someone who is finally comfortable in this town. This is my town and I love it. After moving around pretty much non-stop from birth to age 35, I’ve finally planted roots and I couldn’t be happier.
I’m finally home.
It felt so good to just be my awkward, dorky self, and know that my friend loves me for me, just the way I am – and I feel the same way about her. I love having her in my life – and I hope that she knows I love and value her friendship. I feel that way about all of my friends, but having local friends I can confide in, bounce things off of, falter and succeed in front of and they will be there to pick me up or cheer me on (and vice versa)? That is so amazing.
Not to be all cheese-deli on you, but remember that Barbara Streisand song where she sings, “People who need people are the luckiest people in the world…”
It’s really true.
April 21st, 2011 at 10:55 am
I’ve been feeling way out of sorts lately, too. I chalk it up to allergies, but it’s always good to get out and interact with others. That always gives me a lift.
I’m glad you have people around you when you need them. xo
Megan´s last words of wisdom ..Contrast
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April 21st, 2011 at 11:52 am
Karen, it is validating to see someone else going through the same thing. I work 40 hrs take 3 graduate classes, and have 2 kids. What an overwhelming process! The difference is that you still make time for friends. I don’t seem to have any these days. Exercise does make a difference too but when you have papers and projects due on your limited time off, it is so easy to make excuses. Good luck w/ exams! Miriam
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April 21st, 2011 at 12:15 pm
Yeah. What you said. It’s really true – and it’s really that simple.
lceel´s last words of wisdom ..100 Word Challenge – Distance and Rita
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April 21st, 2011 at 7:33 pm
I hope you know that I totally feel the same way.
great post. xoxo
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April 21st, 2011 at 10:24 pm
I know this feeling. This root-planting feeling. This being able to be silly and sit around in pajamas around friends who feel like family. I just got there recently. it’s amazing.
xoxo
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April 27th, 2011 at 4:38 pm
Wow, I’ve been feeling blah and dorky lately too. Is there something going around? I can’t decide if it’s the gloomy weather coming off a truly cold and gloomy winter, or the fatigue that comes with the end of the school year, or the dread of being at loose ends when my kids go away to camp this summer for eight weeks, or the fact that the web site I’ve labored over for four years is standing still, or the fact that another member of the royal family is getting married and once again it’s not to me.
Sharyn´s last words of wisdom ..Say No To The Dresses
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April 28th, 2011 at 11:36 am
Sometimes I think all we can do is keep walking through the blah and hope that it clears up soon.
By the way, I hope your marathon goes well. I remember that it’s soon…although not exactly sure when. Will be thinking good thoughts your way.
Issa´s last words of wisdom ..But would you REALLY want to know
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April 29th, 2011 at 10:01 pm
I am so happy you’re finding yourself and knocking those walls down. I love you and think you are an amazing, AMAZING woman. I always have.
I am so proud to call you my friend.
sam {temptingsam}´s last words of wisdom ..Press Pause
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