Ten a Day

February 28, 2011 BlogPants

Adam and I got to talking last week after I threw a fit on twitter that ‘wah wah wah no one comments on blogs anymore.’

The truth is, I try – but I don’t get to every blog because half the time I’m reading them in the car, on my phone, while barreling down the highway to school. OH I KID. I read your blog while I’m on the toilet.

Which means, I rarely comment because I’m usually reading from my phone. Because my phone autocorrects “I love this post” to “Olive Thespo” and things like that.

So we were thinking that we should plant some seeds of love on our friends’ blogs by commenting on at least 10 blogs a day, leaving a genuine comment, and make others feel good. If you’re a blogger, you know how crappy it feels to write into the void, while people joke about bacon and cupcakes on Twitter and your itty bitty post is being ignored.

It’s not that people are ignoring you, it’s just that Twitter is too fast and no one can keep up! (Because they are stupid, I know. But don’t say that to people or you’ll have no friends commenting on your blog.)

So join us this week. Spread the love among your friends. Here’s a giant fucking badge that Adam made, so you can declare your love:

It’s nearly spring and what better way to brighten someone’s day, than to sow some seeds of love.

Don’t forget to wear a condom.

You can start by going to say something nice to Adam.  He likes that.

Yes, I Really Said That

February 26, 2011 I Love My Family

So, the 48 hours or so leading up to Mom passing away, all of us slept in shifts.  We took turns on a single mattress on the floor, an armchair, or sitting up, depending on how tired we were.  One of us had to stay awake at all times, and honestly, most of the time we were all awake because Dad was awake and he needed us, just to listen, or look after him or Mom.

Mom passed at 12:35 a.m., and we went through the emotional turmoil of saying goodbye, then calling the funeral home and waiting for them to take her.

Around 5:30 a.m., one of my sisters and I drove to our Aunt’s house, as she lives 5 minutes away from Dad and has an extra bed. We crashed hard until about 9:30, then freebased coffee for an hour, brushed our teeth and headed back to Dads.  We called over to Dad first to see if anyone needed anything, and my brother asked me to pick up cigarettes for him.  We were still in our pajamas – the same pajamas we had been wearing for days.

In short, I was tired and looked like absolute shit.

I stopped at Mac’s Milk, leaving my sister in the car, and stumbled through the cigarette order because I don’t smoke, obviously.

“Can I see your ID?” asked the man behind the counter.

I was stunned.  You have to be 19 in Ontario to buy cigarettes.  The sign says they ask anyone who looks under 25. The friggin’ cast of 90210 wouldn’t even get carded, since they all look 30.

My jaw dropped, and the following words came out of my mouth with such surprise, I couldn’t believe I said them: ”Are you fuckin’ kidding me? I’m 36!”

The guy laughed, as I pinched my ID out of my wallet and thrust it at him, “you should take a compliment!”

“OH I AM!” I said, with a little too much gusto.

He returned my ID, ran through the cigarettes and I floated back to my car.

I recanted the story to my sister, and she laughed for the first time in a few days.  ”Did you really say that?” she asked.

“Yup,” I replied. “Didn’t Mom tell you? Old ladies can say whatever the fuck they want.”

The Sugarpants Household Parenting Manifesto (Incomplete and Subject to Change)

February 25, 2011 I Love My Family

1 ) Parents will take all precautions necessary to avoid yelling (deep breathing, counting to ten, etc.)  If yelling occurs, responsibility is taken for losing temper, and apologies are made – always prior to bedtime.  No one goes to bed an Angry Bird, ever. That’s the rules.

2 ) It is always okay to make mistakes.  Parents and children are well aware of this rule, as mistakes are often made by both the Parental Units and the Kidlet Units.  Talking it out, hugging it out, and snuggling it out are usually the best remedies for said mistakes.

3 ) Absolutely no tattling on your sibling unless someone is bleeding or on fire.  Make an effort to work things out on your own.

4 ) No hitting in this family, ever, for any reason. This rule is extended to the furball in the family as well. Hitting is never a good way to deal with anger. Except when Mommy is dealing with the stove, which is clearly possessed by the devil.

5 ) Apologies are to be made while looking each other in the eye and will include all of the following: “I’m sorry for what I did/said;” an “Are you okay” (if applicable); an “I love you” and “I love you too;” and a giant hug.  Laughter is optional, but one should expect it to happen.

6 ) If one feels the need to be alone, whether it’s because they are feeling sad, or need downtime, or for any other reason, they always can retreat to their room and close the door.  All closed doors are to be respected, and only opened after knocking; especially Mommy and Daddy’s bedroom door, dammit.

7 ) Screen time is defined as time spent watching TV, playing video games, or surfing the internet.  Screen time is earned and can be taken away for many reasons. Doing chores, homework and keeping your room clean can usually result in relatively unlimited screen time.  Whining will result in instant loss of Screen Time, every time, without fail. If you can wipe your own butt, you are too old to speak Whinese.

8 ) All efforts will be made to have kid staples in the house: pencils, peanut butter, milk, bread, cereal and cookies.  In the event a staple has run out: DO NOT PANIC.  An adult will replenish stock as soon as he or she can.

9 ) All efforts will be made to have adult staples in the house: coffee. In the event a staple has run out – oh wait, we never let that happen ever. EVER.

10 ) Road trips are to be prepared for. Peeing prior to boarding the vehicle is mandatory by all parties.  All electronics will be charged the night before and packed in a designated ‘fun bag.’ Said fun bag is not to be confused by traditional ‘fun bags.’ TOTALLY DIFFERENT ANIMAL.

11 ) Swearing is permitted within the confines of our house.  Curse words are just words, and while they are rarely used, no punishment will be made for using said words. Children are not to use these words outside of the home, especially with their friends, teachers, or coaches.  While that seems like a double standard, not everyone parents this way and would probably not understand, as we have discussed.*

12 ) Everything is subject to discussion. Hot topics like sex, STD’s, pregnancy, peer pressure, drugs, drunk driving and alcohol are openly discussed, using real terminology (and in the case of drugs, images on Google) for the appropriate subject.  Children are encouraged to ask any questions, no matter how silly or uncomfortable, and will be met with honest answers and open, two-way dialogue.  Children are encouraged to know all the facts about any topic, to approach parents at any time if they find themselves in a situation, and also to make their own decisions in future.

13 ) When out of sight, whether walking home from school or playing outside, children are to stand up for each other, no matter the circumstances. If approached by an adult, remember that an adult never asks a child for help if he/she truly needs help (ie. Dude with “lost puppy.”) An adult who was in real trouble, would ask another adult for help, not a child. Don’t be afraid to yell NO and walk or run away.  If grabbed, don’t be afraid to kick, punch, yell, and make a ton of noise.

14 ) No one is perfect. No one is better or worse than us.  Treat yourself,  each other and others equally, and with respect. Love yourself and love each other. And know you are always, always loved by us, your parents.