This song still makes me cry for Lisa. Lisa’s story is the ultimate failure of the U.S. Health-care system, in my eyes. Oh the lies you have been told, America; the bullshit you’ve been spoon-fed. I truly hope this doesn’t keep happening. I do hope you get the medicine you need, the surgeries that you need, the care and preventative steps you need, without regard to what is in your wallet. I hope you are taken care of in the name of humanity and not in the name of the almighty dollar.
I am still angry about how Lisa was truly failed, over and over. It may not have saved her, but I believe that while a mother is fighting for her life, she should not have to worry about what that fight is going to cost, financially. An insurance company should not have a say as to what treatments a patient is allowed to have. That’s what doctors are for. It isn’t right, America. Money should never come before human life. Never.
The post below is from a year ago, when our good friend Lisa passed away. She fought hard to beat cancer a third time, and now she lives on in our hearts. We miss you so much Lisa. Your life has touched many, including mine. Big bear hugs and kisses to you in Heaven.
*****
A lot happened today. I was super-busy with work and suddenly: our world stopped. My little nest of online friends, some I know in real life and some I have never met but would run a marathon for in a heartbeat…we all just stopped.
As I slunk into a deep pool of music, I recalled the things that brought our world to this moment. It was one we sadly expected. Still, a shocking moment that none of us were really ready for, despite having gotten notice many moons ago. There’s never a good time for this to happen, we tell ourselves.
I cried. I got angry. I wished for a different ending. I rung my hands. I kissed my kids and told them I loved them until they squirmed away. I gave the dog belly rubs and kisses and extra treats. When Daren came home, I kissed him a little longer.
This is what we do.
How it must be so very difficult for her husband tonight, for her children, and her too, though she is a little lost now already, all too soon.
All too soon.
Somber thoughts carefully swimming through my head, I brought myself to really feel what it must be like for those who have true roots in the situation. My heart leaped out of my chest at thoughts about this little family that I never had the pleasure of meeting in person. I willed for them to be okay through this and beyond. For her husband about to be a solo act to be capable and patient through what will hopefully be some really good years with his children, despite their loss.
Blogs are powerful things. We know each other’s deepest secrets and thoughts without ever having had our arms around each other’s shoulders or shared a meal. That is a beautiful thing, but it also comes with this new territory: the earsplitting scream as we lose one of our own. And they are indeed one of us. Like tribes, we go forward in this solidarity of ‘putting it all out there,’ however ugly or smashingly gorgeous.
Go in peace, Lisa. You are so very loved by this community. You will be missed so much.
Not everything is absolute and sure, no matter how much you believe it to be. Even your heroes are fallible. Men you thought were Gods, women you thought were Goddesses, people you worshiped and emulated and modeled your life after; they can fall to the lowest of lows and seeing them there, limp, broken, sad and hurting is difficult as hell to comprehend. Their capes torn, they suddenly are human and just like you. It’s scary and heartbreaking.
But I’ve been there before.
It’s amazing the inner strength you can muster if you just trust yourself enough to find it. When you are hurting so badly and can still pick up and help someone else as they wade through their own thick hell, it serves as a distraction. But it’s heavy. So very heavy. And some days you break into a million ribbons of glass as you fall into bed. Rather then be defeated, you find grace in small things and try to project happiness into the world instead.
Sometimes trying to be everything to everyone means saying no to someone you love. Growing up means not allowing yourself to be pulled into situations where you don’t belong, no matter how hard the tug on your heartstrings. So you admit defeat, that you don’t have the capacity to cope with more of this when there is already so much. You think about the point where your resolve broke and the guilt is added to the weight you already carry. You silently kiss loved ones goodbye for now and know they will find their way without you.
Sometimes the ground will be pulled from underneath you, you will pick yourself back up and rebuild from nothing. Then you will look back and wonder how the hell you did it. But try explaining that to someone who’s ground was only just torn from beneath their feet. It’s hard to show them what’s beyond the inside of the trench unless they stretch farther than what they think they’re capable of. The irony of attempting to push someone to stretch is not lost on you.
They don’t have to stay in that trench. They are curled up in the fetal position and you can’t pick them up alone.
So you choke back what you want to shout:
Get out of the fucking trench and walk tall. Grab life by the balls and don’t look back. Because even though your heroes have fallen and hell is loud and hot, you don’t have to stay there every damn day. Be your own hero. Fly.
There are brighter ways to spend your time when you shake off the day and focus on home. Strong arms envelop you and you sink deeper into love over and over again and thank every star in the universe that you and your best friend are boring. Giggles and stories and little lives need attending. The escape to their tiny arms around your neck is enough. Their smiles heal you. Even when they are tired and cranky, your voice is calm and your mama superpowers comfort and soothe them. They are such magical beings, they don’t even know how much they lift you up every day.
As their hero, you hope you never fail them. That you are always taller than trenches.
[Intro - Sample of "O Canada"]
(O Canada! We stand on guard, for thee)
(O Canada!)
(O Canada!)
(O Canada!)
(O Canada!)
[Classified talking behind Intro]
I told this guy where I was from
He said “oh, Canada”
Kind of laughed it off, real funny, huh?
Yeah, uh, come on
One two, one two
Mic. check, one two, one two
Yeah
[Verse 1 - Classified]
Uh, yeah, from the land of the lost, Trans-Canada cross
Patriotic and I honor with my hand on my heart
From the greatest of lakes to the greenest of greens
To the rockiest mountains and everything in between
(Oh, oh), oh Canada, oh you no fan of us
‘Cause our movies and TV shows are so amateur? (ha)
Yes we laugh it off, that don’t really bother me
Look we ain’t serious unless we really got to be
Humorous attitude like Kidz In The Hall
Or Jim Carrey, Mike Myers, hell we claimin ‘em all
It’s the great white north, home of the funniest actors (O Canada!)
The butt of the joke with an abundance of laughter
The red and white flag, keep it high, keep it visual
People say Canada and get stereotypical
Think we finish every sentence with “buddy” or “bye”
And if it ain’t that, it’s either “dude,” “eh,” or “guy”
Canadaka eh, yeah we considerate people And smokin marijuana, we consider it legal
Still doin rap like the 1990′s
But that’s how we like it, off time20and grimy
[Chorus - Classified] (“O Canada!” – repeated in the background)
I know where I’m from and I told ya before
North of America, hard to ignore
Every time I go away I tell them for sure
I’m from Canada, oh-oh-oh Canada
Oh Canada, oh-oh-oh Canada
I’m from Canada, oh-oh-oh Canada
[Break] – 4X
When Class makes a sick beat, we call it a classic
[Verse 2 - Classified]
I’ve been around the globe and heard the confusion
Honestly a lot of y’all are ignorant and stupid
Yes, we have microwaves, TVs and cell phones
Unintelligent fuck, we invented the telephone
We made Yahtzee, the lightbulb, hockey
And bred the greatest players – Gretzky to Crosby We all got at least one drinking buddy
And after one drink, all of us think we’re funny (O Canada!)
Our national mascot’s a damn beaver
Oh Canada, we love our beaver (O Canada!)
Home of Hells Angels and RCMP
Home of Gordon Lightfoot and SCTV
No doubt, the underground railroad
Georges St-Pierre, right here is where he call home Our health care system, y’all know it’s free
Keep our girls bangin with a full mouth of teeth
I won’t even get into the music industry
They say hip hop is dead, nah it’s up north with me
I could do this all day, it’s a part of my routine
But supper’s almost done and tonight – poutine!
[Chorus - Classified] (“O Canada!” – repeated in the background)
I know where I’m from and I told ya before
North of America, hard to ignore
Every time I go away I tell them for sure
I’m from Canada, oh-oh-oh Canada
(I’m from the east coast of Canada)
O-oh-oh Canada
(I’m from the east, east, east coast)
Yo-yo, no doubt
Yeah I’m from Canada, so sometimes words come out of my mouth like this
Get used to it!
(O Canada! We stand on guard, for thee!)
Dayum skippy! I love this rap so much. I love my country so much. We have so much to be grateful for.
