I Hope I Made The Right Choice
October 28, 2009
When I woke up today, I did not think I had to make a definite decision on whether to vaccinate my kids against H1N1 or not. All this time I’ve been leaning towards not getting them vaccinated, only because we don’t have enough information and the information we do have is conflicting and scary. I’m not the type to buy into hype, and goodness knows the media has hyped this up at an incredible rate.
This morning I read the story of a 13 year old boy, who was otherwise healthy, who died from Swine Flu on Monday night. Evan Frustaglio played hockey, like Dylan.
I called Dylan’s cardiologist in the hopes of having him give me “the right answer” as to whether Dylan should have the H1N1 flu shot or not. (Dylan had Kawasaki’s Disease as a baby and his story is here if you don’t know it. He has gone from 2 to 1 aneurysm in his heart since I wrote that) Of course most doctors in our litigious society will not tell you one way or the other if you should, but two of the major symptoms of swine flu that stuck in my mind are: a severe cough, and chest pain.
I can’t even tell you how much Dylan’s aneurysm scares the shit out of me on a normal day. The threat of it rupturing is on my mind a lot more than I let on. It’s not something I dwell on, just like I don’t dwell on the fact that my husband works with half a million volts on any given day. Dylan leads a normal 10 year old’s life, plays full contact hockey, wants to play football, is active at school and at home. So why would a cough worry me so?
Well it’s the unknown, I suppose.
The cardiologist’s office said, “there is no reason for Dylan not to get the shot. It remains a personal decision.”
*sigh*
I’m not gonna lie to you. I cried after that phone call. I cried because for the first time, I truly did not know what was best for my kid. Even when we were 5 days in when he was sick with KD as an infant and the doctors thought they knew what was wrong with him, I knew what to do when they told me the possible diagnosis.
Like many parents today, I don’t know that this H1N1 flu shot is the best thing. On the other hand, my instincts, however unscientific they are, tell me that this chest pain, severe cough, and any sort of respiratory trouble could be fatal. I’m not a doctor but I really think this flu, this horrible piece of fucking shit swine flu, could kill my son. I hate how worried everyone is. I hate how scary it is. I hate thinking the worst. I hate that I feel guilty for adding Thomas to our Family Shot Roster to protect his brother.
I pulled myself together and called Granny. I hate to cry on the phone to Granny because as much as she loves me, I sure don’t want to worry her but she is the closest thing to my Mom and well, I needed her.
I cried again after we hung up. She didn’t know what to do either. She tried to comfort me but she really had no answers, even for herself and Papa.
Daren and I talked it out and decided the whole family would get the shot. The fear of the flu attacking our already vulnerable son was outweighing the fear of the unknown with this shot. My instincts were strong in that direction though not certain, but they’re been right so many times before.
The kids and I stood in line at the only local H1N1 shot clinic I was aware of, for nearly 3 hours, and only the kids qualified for this round of shots. The clinic was for high risk people, 65 and older, and 3 month – 5 year old children. (I will have to see my doctor (I have the appointment) and Daren can get the shot at work.)
A volunteer came by with a clipboard and asked, “What are we doing here today?”
I pointed to Thomas and said, “Well, he’s 5,” and the man checked off the box for his age group. “and this guy,” I said as I put my arm around Dylan’s shoulders, “has an aneurysm in his heart.”
The man checked off ‘Heart Disease,’ and handed me the clipboard. I bit my lip to fight back tears as I filled out the rest of the boys’ information and prayed.
I could tell you how I nearly cried yet again when Thomas lost all the colour in his face once the nurse poked him with the needle. How worried I’ve been since they got their shots. How I have been watching them non-stop all evening, checked on them at least 5 times since bedtime and how worried I am that they both have headaches, are sweating (but not feverish) and how I fought back more tears just now when Thomas cried out in his sleep and looked so so sad and tiny in his bed.
I doubt I will sleep tonight. I won’t be able to, watching my sons sleep, listening to their breathing. I’m worried beyond any normal day, any normal night. Beyond the aneurysm, beyond scrapes and bruises, beyond hard hits in hockey and wrestling on the lawn. It was very difficult to look in their trusting eyes and know for certain that I did the right thing.
Oh how I hope I did.
I know this is a touchy subject and that many parents are scared. Many more are certain of their decision and have very strong opinions one way or another. While I’m interested to hear your stories of how you came to your decision for your family, what I don’t want to hear is any sort of disrespect in the comments on the matter. It’s a tough enough decision without being criticized for it, and what works for one family might not be right for another. Thanks for your co-operation.
October 28th, 2009 at 8:54 pm
I understand where you are coming from. You have to make the right choice for YOUR family and children. We are getting the shots tomorrow AM.
xo
.-= JenB´s last blog ..Thing I did in NYC while alive =-.
[Reply]
October 28th, 2009 at 8:56 pm
I hope you did too. I have decided not to, but not because of what the shot is but because of what my kids ARE NOT. They are healthy and not at any known risk.
In your case I would have done the same thing. We can only go with our gut and make the decision that we think is best for our families… hopefullly it will work out for both of us! Good luck to you.
.-= tena´s last blog ..Now, I’m the asshole =-.
[Reply]
October 28th, 2009 at 9:00 pm
I’m sorry for this pain you’re going through. I can understand that special circumstances can have you tipsy-turvy on convictions you thought were strong until they were challenged with the “kids safety” card.
I hope it works out to your satisfaction and relief.
.-= whall´s last blog ..Time passes… =-.
[Reply]
October 28th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
I wish this didn’t have to be such a hard decision! There are so many times as parents we wonder if we’re doing the right thing, but usually they don’t involve such potentially huge consequences. I’m so sorry you’re faced with this. *hugs*
[Reply]
October 28th, 2009 at 9:11 pm
Everything will be fine and you’ll know that you’ve done what was best for him. That must have been very hard. (hugs)
.-= Avitable´s last blog ..Gang Rape: Looking deeper =-.
[Reply]
October 28th, 2009 at 9:14 pm
Thinking of you.
.-= daysgoby´s last blog ..career paths =-.
[Reply]
October 28th, 2009 at 9:53 pm
my biggest concern is that the adjuvant has not been used with dead h1n1 virus before, and my gut says ‘don’t do it’. since this flu is taking young lives, i feel like my best choice is to get my kids vaccinated.
i will get my kids the un-adjuvanted vaccine (just the regular one for me), even if it means waiting until the middle of november. i’d probably have wait that long anyway, because after only a day and a half, my city ran out of vaccine.
i don’t think there is a wrong or “bad” choice here; if you do what you believe is best for your kids, it’s the absolute right choice. no matter which side you land on.
.-= Stone Fox´s last blog ..Conversations with a 4 Year Old =-.
[Reply]
Bluepaintred Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 7:46 am
What is the un adjuvanted option? What is the difference? I’m leaning towards no on the vaccine whole still wishing I could do it, because I’m scared.
[Reply]
October 28th, 2009 at 10:04 pm
Tomorrow I will go to get my shot. Here in BC they are only letting those with a chronic disease get the shot this week (I have diabetes). Next week children under 5 can get the shot and I’ve decided both of my kids will get it. Hubby has to wait until mid-November. It’s a tough choice but I’ve decided I’d rather go with the risk of the vaccine instead of the risk without.
.-= Marilyn (A Lot of Loves)´s last blog ..Backyard Fun: Wednesday of Few Words =-.
[Reply]
October 28th, 2009 at 10:42 pm
Love to you, Karen! I will most likely be doing the same thing.
[Reply]
October 29th, 2009 at 2:04 am
So very glad I don’t have to make that choice for anyone other than myself.
You *have* to believe that you made the right choice. Look forward; no regrets.
[Reply]
October 29th, 2009 at 4:31 am
Not only are your kids protected from getting sick, you also helped stop the flu from spreading… this was the right thing to do.
.-= Nat´s last blog ..Waspageddon =-.
[Reply]
October 29th, 2009 at 4:40 am
The only little girl I know of to get H1N1 in my area got it after she had the vaccine. So there’s that. Just like the little girl in Bella’s class that had the flu vaccine, immediately caught the flu and then gave it to Bella who did not get the flu/H1N1 shot and won’t be.
I guess what I’m saying is that there’s no guarantee, either way, so I can see why it was a difficult decision. I think you made the right one for you guys: if there was a chance of preventing it you needed to take it.
.-= Maria´s last blog ..Rented: There Were Two =-.
[Reply]
October 29th, 2009 at 5:05 am
I love you!
I am still very much on the fence about the shots. I worry about the *what ifs* and if it’s the right thing for us. I think about all the other fear tactics from the past (OMG! BIRD FLU!) and still wonder if this one is REALLY different and what if I don’t protect my children and something happens.
THEN I think that poor Evan was not in one of the categories for the first round of shots and he passed away from it anyway. *sigh*
I still have no idea what to do.
.-= sam {temptingmama}´s last blog ..The Wind =-.
[Reply]
October 29th, 2009 at 5:11 am
I’m so sorry our media, etc took no part in HELPING you! (Bastards). This gave me goosebumps :/ I know I’m a stranger but I’m a compassionate one and I’ll be thinkin’ of you and your family.
Regards,
Bre
[Reply]
October 29th, 2009 at 5:30 am
I don’t know anything about the shots so I’d have no idea what decision to make either. I know you did what you thought was best for YOUR family and that is all anyone can ever do.
I love you and am always here if you need me.
.-= Hilly´s last blog ..Thoughts That Won’t Make Me Popular… =-.
[Reply]
October 29th, 2009 at 5:57 am
I think you made the best decision for your family. I’m having a hard time making it for ours. It’s hard to really hard to ever know if we are making the “best” decision for our kids, but I think your heart is good and you did what it told you. I hope the boys feel better soon
[Reply]
October 29th, 2009 at 5:59 am
You did the right thing.
Without getting into specifics, there has been alot of fear mongering with regards to this virus both on the Governments (provincial, federal, municipal) and the ‘naysayers’ The naysayer category seems to include both ‘the vaccine is bad it contains formaldehyde and hasn’t been tested’ (which it has) and the ‘oh h1n1 is no big deal’ ( which it is if it chooses to take a member of your family )
The government has done a piss-poor job at marketing this, and making people feel at ease.
Doctors have been making clinical diagnosis without lab confirmation which is downplaying the seriousness as well.
Everybody is is scared and confused. We need to take a step back and look at this for what it is, a flu virus with the strange ability to very quickly and without warning kill seemingly healthy individuals, of different age groups and different demographics.
People who are un-informed, ill-informed and/or just plain stupid need to keep their ‘stories’ ( nobody above) to themselves, and stop fear-mongering.
This is the first year I have gotten a shot, and only because it will protect me, my family and my PT’s against the spread of H1N1.
/end rant.
[Reply]
October 29th, 2009 at 6:22 am
I’m going to paraphrase G. Dubya so forgive me but, no matter what decision you made, you at least made the tough decision. I hope the kids feel better and stay safe and healthy. <3
.-= steen´s last blog ..Some People Just Need To Be Slapped (And How!) =-.
[Reply]
October 29th, 2009 at 6:34 am
((hugs))) this morning. That had to be an agonizing decision for you. I’ve been thinking long and hard about it too. I have one with asthma, and this thing seems to settle in the lungs pretty fast. We have decided not to do it (at least for now) because we never get the flu shots for the kids or us. xoxo
.-= Headless Mom´s last blog ..Risotto =-.
[Reply]
October 29th, 2009 at 6:38 am
I think you did the right thing for your boys. I know its scary and uncertain. My step-daughter is 8mths pregnant and is getting pressure from her doctors to have it. I really don’t want her to have it as we certainly don’t know how it effects the baby but on the other hand, is it the best thing for her, I don’t know. Best wishes.
.-= J from Ireland´s last blog ..A Good Auld Rant. =-.
[Reply]
October 29th, 2009 at 7:10 am
We got the shot, too. I went with what my pediatrician recommended because there is no way to make an “informed” decision because of all the fear-mongering, etc. I went yesterday to a govn’t clinic, and left before getting the shot, when I learned that my own pediatrician was administering it — which gave me the peace of mind I needed to go along with the shot. All this fear either way is not helping anyone. ((HUGS))
.-= Haley-O (Cheaty)´s last blog ..Coat Crisis Averted =-.
[Reply]
October 29th, 2009 at 7:21 am
Parenting is so incredibly hard. I’m still too chicken to try it. You can’t always know the answer, but the important thing is you had your son’s best interest in mind.
[Reply]
October 29th, 2009 at 7:40 am
I’m pretty much a hermit and neither Cara or Ollie are in daycare or have any type of medical condition.
So, for me, the decision to not vaccinate wasn’t necessarily *easy* but I’m sure it was easier than what you’ve been going through.
But here’s the other edge of the sword: now I have to worry if I’ve made the right choice by *not* vaccinating them against the Swine Flu.
Neither of our choices were made off-the-cuff but we’re both left with doubts. I mean this sincerely when I say that I hope we both made the best decisions.
Hugs to you, lady.
.-= Amy @ Taste Like Crazy´s last blog ..Used To Be Me =-.
[Reply]
October 29th, 2009 at 7:55 am
Here’s the thing: This vaccination is not that much different than the seasonal flu vaccine or any other vaccine your kids have already had. They’re all made basically the same way. There’s more danger, overall, with not vaccinating than with vaccinating for H1N1.
My father was a medical professional and I have been around this stuff my whole life. My son has multiple medical issues (including lung issues) — I spend lots of time with doctors. Just so you know where this is coming from. My son will be vaccinated as soon as his school gets its shit together.
You did what you felt was necessary to protect your children. That’s all you can do. XO
.-= Finn´s last blog ..My Hands Knew =-.
[Reply]
October 29th, 2009 at 8:22 am
I’m still really conflicted about whether to do so or not.
My daughter is high risk – she was a preemie and has upper respiratory issues but she isn’t old enough for the shot.
My son is old enough to get it but other than pretty bad allergies that are controlled through meds, healthy.
If my daughter gets it, she will more than likely end up in the hospital.
I’ve heard conflicting stories on children getting sick from the shot.
If I get my son the shot, trying to protect him, and he gets sick and then my daughter gets sick and hospitalized, what will I do?
But if I don’t get my son the shot and he gets sick, my daughter will get sick and hospitalized.
I just don’t know what to do.
Also, they are giving the first dose out for free at the kids’ schools here but you’re on your own for the second dose (under nine needs a second one two weeks after the first). What if I can’t find a second dose? Then what?
[Reply]
October 29th, 2009 at 8:23 am
What I hate about parenting is that it’s so rare that there’s a clear cut right or wrong decision and sometimes I just want to say, “hey you know, I don’t know!” Unfortunately we can’t.
I’m pretty much dead-set on getting the vaccine for the whole family but I’d be lying if I said I’m not worried about my choice. The thing is that for me I think it’s better to worry about the vaccine than it would be to refuse it and then worry about the virus for the entire season.
One of the things that is helping me to be calm is one of the doctors on CTV (who has been very rational and isn’t one of the fear-mongering types) pointed out that while this is indeed a new vaccine, it’s a new vaccine every single year when they make the flu shots. Meanwhile, the process of creating it is still the same that it’s been for years. That helps a bit.
.-= sherry´s last blog ..Stories that stick – a meme =-.
[Reply]
October 29th, 2009 at 9:07 am
<3
[Reply]
October 29th, 2009 at 9:09 am
First of all, ((hugs)). This parenting thing is hard, sometimes, isn’t it?
I just want to reiterate what I said on Twitter: I’m sorry that you had to make such a tough decision and I’m glad that you were able to make it. Both options carry risks and the levels of risk are not well understood.
Historically, I’ve not bothered with flu shots, though not out of any sense of avoiding them. I think it really just stems from never having had a rough bout of influenza — at least not as an adult. Both of my daughters have already had days of coughs this year, though neither spiked a fever. I often wonder if they had mild cases of the flu (seasonal or H1N1).
Will I get the vaccine (either)? Doubt it. Will I have my kids get it? At this point, no, but I will certainly reevaluate should situations change.
.-= Ren´s last blog ..Avitaween Costumes =-.
[Reply]
October 29th, 2009 at 9:15 am
I am waiting anxiously to get the shot for my daughter. She is 3 years old, and has asthma. Last winter, she was hospitalized following a regular cold, so I do not want to take any chances with this flu. I asked my doctor, when I was trying to make my decision. She said, “It is a no-brainer. Get her that shot.” Unfortunately, they are not doing them in my city yet. Not even for the high risk people. Even though there are already a lot of sick people. It makes me more nervous than I let on.
[Reply]
October 29th, 2009 at 10:41 am
you had to get him that shot. really, in your sons case, the pros outweigh the cons. you did the right thing hon.
.-= melissa´s last blog ..Cleaning Instruction Tags Aren’t There Just To Irritate The Nape Of Your Neck =-.
[Reply]
October 29th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
My oldest has probable hamthrax. And shit, I thought I’d be reassured by comments, but I’m just scared worse.
Also? Really pissed that there is all this drama on the news about getting vaccines – our ped put us on a waiting list to get the regular flu shot (prior to my kid getting symptoms) and it didn’t arrive at his office until after we had the flu. Also, they ran out before our name was up. Also, it wasn’t even Swine flu specific vacs. *Angry face*
[Reply]
October 29th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
I took my kids out of school this morning and waited in line with them to get the shot.
It was not a decision that I came to easily.
I hope I made the right one, too.
[Reply]
October 29th, 2009 at 5:51 pm
I can’t do anything bit sit here and hope everything ok. Hug through the computer!!!
.-= Poppy´s last blog ..I suck at goodbyes =-.
[Reply]
October 29th, 2009 at 5:52 pm
*BUT!
And perhaps provide humor.
.-= Poppy´s last blog ..I suck at goodbyes =-.
[Reply]
October 30th, 2009 at 6:03 am
I’m waffling. My staunch NO WAY leaned a little towards, well, maybe, but I think it’s due to the fear-mongering on tv/twitter, etc. So I decided to basically go off-line for a week and decide how I really feel.
.-= kgirl´s last blog ..elt-may. own-day. =-.
[Reply]
October 30th, 2009 at 6:46 am
Pretty sure I would have done the same thing.
[Reply]
October 30th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
I have heard every side of this story, so many times. Everyone is afraid. Most people either are sure they want the vaccine or absolutely positive they done. But I think we are all just hoping that we did the right thing.
We’ve had two cases in our family. Both kids, one is 16 and ended up in the hospital with double pneumonia. The other is her 18 month old baby brother, who also ended up with double pneumonia, but managed to stay at home. They got it before the vaccine was available here.
The flu part itself doesn’t scare me, but the pneumonia does. My five year old is asthmatic. I am as well. So far, I’ve managed to get my 5yr old and my 1yr old the shot. My oldest is nearly 8 and healthy, so she’s not considered high risk. The rest of us will get it as soon as it’s available for us.
I’m having to go with my gut on this one.
.-= Issa´s last blog ..Six years tomorrow =-.
[Reply]
October 30th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
I am struggling with the decision too. Even though my family is not high-risk by conventional medical standards, all the hysteria is making me think that EVERYONE is high risk.
I imagine we will eventually get the shot…but I’m comfortable enough to wait until the line-ups subside. I’ve heard about people lying about their status in order to get it, and it makes my heart hurt for humanity.
[Reply]
October 31st, 2009 at 5:38 pm
As a paramedic, I have to get innoculated every year, as I don’t want to spread any diseases. I understand your concerns and, to a certain extent I share them. Perhaps I’ve been Lucky, but other than getting sick once or twice a week afterward, I haven’t had any problems.
.-= yknot´s last blog ..Lydia the Tattooed Lady =-.
[Reply]
October 31st, 2009 at 6:50 pm
I can’t even tell you how much I appreciate this post. There were sentences that I almost word for word spoke today with my husband. I *think* we’ve decided on getting it for the kids if it’s readily available. But I’m still not sure. It’s all so unknown and scary. I can honestly say this is one of the toughest decisions we’ve had to make as parents.
.-= Corinne´s last blog ..Happy Halloween! =-.
[Reply]
November 3rd, 2009 at 4:03 pm
Oh geez Karen, no judgment either way, just support. It’s clear how much you love your kids and want to do what’s best for them. Isn’t that all we can ask of one another?
[Reply]