Three Years Ago Today, I Nearly Died, And It May Have Saved My Life
September 28, 2009
October 1st, 2006, I wrote the following, regarding Thursday September 28th. I haven’t had a cigarette, not even one puff, since then. It’s a story, however kooky you think it is, that may have saved my life.
Yes, you read that right. I was dying. On Thursday night, while my family awaited a pizza delivery, I was busy dying, and no one could hear me because I was too weak to scream, “I’m DYING IN HERE! COME GET ME!”
Let’s back up a bit, shall we? Last Monday, I wrote to you lovely people and told you that I had a lung thing going on. Sure it was bad then. The coughing was making my eyes pop out of my head like a cartoon character, the migraines had my ears considering an escape from my head, and my lungs, if they could have, would have sprouted legs and said, “So long Charlie.”
So the lung thing got worse. The headaches got worser. The coughing was at it’s worstest. Remember the elixer doctor? You know the guy who prescribed that old fashioned stuff that made us laugh, and we poked fun at him? You commenters, me, us? Yeah, he must have called upon some unseen warlock force and made Karma sneak up on me. See, I took the antibiotics, once a day, as I was told to. I avoided the migraine drugs, as the pharmacist warned. I took the elixer, when I desperately needed it. I carefully measured it out, using my measuring spoons for baking.
Thursday was the worst day of all days. I couldn’t catch my breath for coughing. My head exploded with every single hack. I finally caved and took the elixer once Daren came home. Then I told him I was having trouble breathing and I was going to lie down in our bedroom.
What happened next is going to sound very silly, maybe a little hokey, but I don’t care. If you roll your eyes during this post, keep it to yourself.
As I lay on my side, my breaths became shallower and shallower. Harder to take in. Work to breathe out. Laboured. Scary laboured. I could not take a deep breath. My throat was closing and I could not move. That elixer was basically liquid codeine (5 mg per 5 ml) and holy shit, it was killing me.
I couldn’t yell for Daren. My lungpower was that of a mouse. I thought about lung cancer. I thought about how lung cancer probably kills you in the exact same way, and that every breath just gets harder and harder. Tears rolled down the side of my face and soaked my pillow as I thought about smoking and how if I could just get through this, I would never smoke again.
I concentrated hard on breathing. I made myself take in bigger breaths, but they never lasted. I was drowsy, and couldn’t keep my eyes open. I felt drunk, underwater. I felt like a motionless mass, and my chest was so incredibly heavy. I begged God to keep my throat open. Begged. God. This coming from a woman who has never known much about God. This coming from a woman who isn’t sure who or what God is. But I begged Him, as I thought of my two little boys downstairs. I could hear them playing together. I didn’t want to die, but I really felt as though I might. I wanted to get up off the bed and go to them. I wanted to scream for Daren. I couldn’t do anything.
Very slowly, desperately trying not to panic, trying not to need more oxygen than I could take in, I managed to somehow get all my pillows behind me and lie in a sitting-up position. The air was easier to get like that, though if even possible, my breaths became so superficial and shallow, I must have passed out.
When I came to, it was only a mere few minutes later, I started trying to force more air in, taking deeper and deeper breaths. It was at this time that Daren came in to check on me and through laboured conversation, I managed to tell him what was going on. He called the pharmacist right away and she told him it was an allergic reaction. All I could do was wait it out.
Once everything had settled down and I was able to walk and breathe again, I joined my family at the dining room table and looked at them, one by one, as they interacted with each other. The kids had no idea of what just happened, and I’m not sure Daren realized what I had gone through. More tears rolled down my cheeks as I smiled at them.
A few minutes passed. I got up and called Dylan over to the dishwasher. I handed him my pack of cigarettes and told him to do whatever he wanted with them. He threw them in the garbage with a huge smile on his face. I haven’t smoked since then, and I have no desire to.
And I don’t know if I believe in God. I mean, I’d like to think there’s someone or something looking over us. Someone or something was looking over me Thursday night. It saved a butthacker’s life. Oh wait, EX-butthacker.
September 28th, 2009 at 8:47 am
Wow. I was lucky enough to not have this kind of impetus to quit.
For me, it was nine years this past July. I had met a girl (my future wife) and decided to quit one day. I haven’t had a puff since, although every time I smell it I am tempted; probably always will be too.
.-= SciFi Dad´s last blog ..Caught =-.
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September 28th, 2009 at 11:03 am
Wow, that’s one hell of a wake-up call!! Glad you didn’t die! And that you quit smoking!!!
.-= Suzy Voices´s last blog ..Guest Post: The Day I Married A Princess =-.
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September 28th, 2009 at 11:06 am
Holy heck that sounds scary. I never really smoked seriously. Lucky for me whenever I smoked my throat became inflamed and raw. Too bad that doesn’t happen to everyone – it’d probably make it easier to quit (or not even start). Good on you for quitting.
.-= Marilyn (A Lot of Loves)´s last blog ..Storytime =-.
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September 28th, 2009 at 11:06 am
As one former smoker to another, congrats. I miss it every day, but rock on. It’s a sick habit.
.-= Aunt Becky´s last blog ..A New Dateline Special: When Roses Attack =-.
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September 28th, 2009 at 11:18 am
Congrats! It’s been three years for me too. I can’t say that I don’t miss it occasionally, but I really like the breathing part.
.-= LeAnn´s last blog ..Morning Talks =-.
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September 28th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
congratulations on THREE YEARS!
i quit 7 weeks ago. just before the anniversary of my mom’s death. she died of lung cancer. i watched her struggle to breathe through the pain and the heavy sedation. i watched her lose that battle, and, at times, it was like you described – shallow and superficial, or very difficult to get a breath in.
i think your story is great, not kooky. god, who cares if it was a vision of space aliens threatening you with their anal probes? whatever helps you quit, right?
.-= Stone Fox´s last blog ..A Totally Unoriginal Post =-.
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September 28th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Wow, what a terrifying experience! I quit 6 or 7 years ago (can’t remember!) and there are still times I miss it. I wonder of that will ever go away.
.-= floating princess´s last blog ..My Rules of Blogging =-.
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September 28th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
Wow, I am so glad you ended up being ok and quit. I am sure you smell better now too
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September 28th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
I’m scared for you…and also so proud of you for doing good for yourself. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.
.-= angi´s last blog ..Little Known Facts about the Animal Kingdom =-.
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angi Reply:
September 28th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
Uh, ok I’m a freak…it probably WASN’T easy 3 years ago…….sorry.
.-= angi´s last blog ..Little Known Facts about the Animal Kingdom =-.
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September 28th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
Wow, just wow. I have asthma, and know how hard it can be to get a breath in, but have never experienced anything like that.
So glad you are still around to tell your story.
.-= Fairly Odd Mother´s last blog ..The Next Generation of Shredheads =-.
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September 28th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
How scary! Congrats on three years, and here’s to many more.
.-= Chibi Jeebs´s last blog ..When the Pills Are Not Enough: Session II =-.
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September 28th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
You make me smile.
.-= Miss Grace´s last blog ..So I got into a bit of an argument with a friend of mine last night…. =-.
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September 28th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
Congratulations.
.-= Finn´s last blog ..The One Where I’m A Grown Up =-.
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September 28th, 2009 at 6:40 pm
Wow… that’s dramatic.
Me. Laziness made me quick. I decided to quit, so I went on the patch. With the patch comes a big thick brochure with warmings and stuff… I only got to the part about allergic reactions to me skin.
So I put a new patch on, and went for a run. Until about 2.5 km in, I start to have chest pain, and nausea… I came home and The Man said “Did you go for a run with the patch on?” ummmm… yeah.
Evidently I got a day’s worth of nicotine in less than 30 minutes. I felt like ass for 10 days. Never smoked again. Still crave it now and then.
.-= Nat´s last blog ..Sick, hope, fuck and other four-letter words =-.
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September 28th, 2009 at 8:03 pm
Good for you for quitting, Karen. It’s been almost 5 years for me and nearly a year for my husband.
.-= Karly´s last blog ..Yet Another Reason I Shouldn’t Be Allowed To Drive =-.
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September 28th, 2009 at 8:24 pm
Good for you! Scary situation, though.
.-= Headless Mom´s last blog ..I’m Honored to be Chosen…Twice! =-.
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September 29th, 2009 at 7:43 am
That sounds so scary Karen! I’m so glad you quit smoking, you are so strong! Matt’s STILL trying to quit, and by trying..I mean SAYING he’s going to quit and not buying a pack for about a day before giving in.
smoking sucks!
.-= Sarcastica´s last blog ..What I Want/So Tired =-.
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October 2nd, 2009 at 8:35 pm
Congratulations. Seems we have a club here. It’s been nearly 17 years for me, I quit when I was pregnant with my oldest daughter and have never started up again. When I quit, a pack was $0.75USD. My mom still smokes and pays quiet a bit more per pack. Sticker shock every time I think about it. Wonder if it’s too late to start putting that in a jar everyday…
.-= Earth_Mommy´s last blog ..Baby Feet =-.
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October 12th, 2009 at 9:48 am
Good Lord this was a scary story! I’m a smoker and you just scared the crap out of me. I thank you for that. I probably need to print this out, hang on my bathroom mirror and read it a bunch of times for it to truly sink in what you went threw. I think I want to quit… I’m just not sure when.
Thanks for sharing.
.-= Janelle´s last blog ..In One Year, I Shall Be Valerie Bertinelli (maybe) =-.
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October 20th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
Whoa, scary story!!!
Glad you quit; congrats on that.
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December 2nd, 2009 at 8:31 pm
I know I’m late to the conversation, but I needed to point this out:
“He called the pharmacist right away and she told him it was an allergic reaction. All I could do was wait it out.”
Um, NO. Don’t ever trust that pharmacist again. She should have told you to administer an antihistamine and go to the hospital. Your throat was closing, that merits calling 911.
I’m glad it turned out ok, but listening to that pharmacist could have turned out to be very dangerous. I’m glad it didn’t.
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