Passive-Aggressive Notes
February 12, 2009
In the chaos of ordering appliances & furniture, the final walk through on the house, a meeting with the lawyer to sign a forest’s worth of paperwork, numerous phone calls and packing, I have still managed to feed these kids, get them to school on time, have regular showers, take on two new web design jobs and tend to the dog’s every need.
We have a morning routine here whereby Daren leaves for school at the buttcrack of dawn and I get the kids ready for school, pack lunches and while the kids are putting on their snowpants and such, I take Ruffy out for her morning dump, scrape off the car and warm it up. It’s like clockwork and by a certain time every morning, we manage to get out the door without killing each other.
I am religious about cleaning up after Ruffy, daily, without fail. Whether we are running late or not, it takes 5 seconds to scoop and throw it away. Knowing there are neighbours here who are not as vigilant as me about dog poop (grrr), and others who have serious trouble walking (like the people below us), I am 100% on the clean up of this dog. Always. No exceptions. Besides, who wants to clean up soggy dog poop after the rain or snow gets to it? Believe me, that isn’t fun.
Which is why when DOUCHEBAG AMY taped this note to my door last night, I went fucking ballistic:
“This is just a “REMINDER” to pick up your dog poop. There is A LOT of it.”
It took all my strength not to knock on her door and let her have it.
It took more strength not to write this and tape it to her door:
“Thanks for the reminder to do something I’m already doing on a daily basis. Here are some “REMINDERS” for you:
- stop blasting music. NOBODY listens to that shit anymore anyway. You have shitty taste in music and you’re pissing off everyone.
- stop bad-mouthing the landlord. Some of us are friends with her and don’t think for one second she doesn’t know everything about you.
- stop mooching things from neighbours. Have some pride.
- stop applying for Christmas presents from the church. The fact that you adamantly refused to pay rent because your “kids are going to get a Christmas, dammit,” then you got a Wii, snowsuits, boots, hats, mitts, a turkey dinner and God knows what else from the church while you failed to pay rent to another family, making it harder for them, PISSES ME OFF. You don’t get to withhold rent because Christmas is coming, you fucking moron. Don’t you think the family that runs this joint has a mortgage to cover? You made it sound like a major injustice that you’re expected to pay rent! Do you think the bank cares that Christmas is coming and the landlord can just refuse to pay? You are a fucking idiot.
- stop screaming profanities at the snow plow guy. He HAS to plow at 4 a.m. so some of us with CARS can get to our JOBS. I know these things may be foreign concepts to you freeloading losers, but you know – the rest of the world does not revolve around your sorry, pathetic, no-pride asses.
- pick up your kids’ toys. There are A LOT of them and they are often blocking the sidewalk, making it difficult for people who are already unsteady on their feet, to get by. Also, the ambulance is here enough that it only makes sense to keep the way clear. THINK ABOUT IT.
- stop smoking pot in your apartment WHERE YOUR CHILDREN LIVE. It’s illegal, in case you weren’t aware. If I smell it again, I’m calling Children’s Aid. Don’t EVEN tempt me.
- stop ruining my kids snowmen and snow forts and hey, next time you see a snowman that wasn’t made by you, GET YOUR OWN GODDAMN CARROT.
- clean up your recycling, garbage and disgusting potty mouths, especially when you’re within earshot of my children OR your own.
- stop assuming I answer to you. Even if that was my dog’s poop out there, the landlord is the only one who should be speaking to me about it.
- stop leaving notes on my door. Don’t touch my door, don’t look at my door, don’t even fucking THINK about my door.
- stop policing the complex. If you spent as much time looking for jobs as you did worrying about what everyone else is doing, you could solve this next point:
- stop sponging off my tax dollars when you’re perfectly able to work, which Hey! Solves the NEXT point too!
- try paying your fucking rent.
Kiss my ass,
Karen”
The kids and I leave Saturday morning for the very last time. I CAN’T WAIT.
February 12th, 2009 at 3:44 am
In true passive aggressive style, I beg of you , Please for the love of Pete, leave the note on her door as you and the children walk out that final time. I Dare you.
In fact, I DOUBLE dog dare you!
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February 12th, 2009 at 4:17 am
I was about to comment about how I could never live anywhere where I had to pick up after my dogs (we have four), because we’re on 3.5 acres with an empty 11 acre lot next to us, and we walk them so they can do their business out on plenty of space… But instead I got hijacked by how hilarious your bullet points were.
Bravo, KSP. Bravo.
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February 12th, 2009 at 4:40 am
Haha that list is frigging hilarious! Totally tape that note to the door, naughty words and all!
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February 12th, 2009 at 6:45 am
I concur. What a little shit.
And HOORAY that Saturday you will all leave that hell hole for your glorious new digs. WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
D
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February 12th, 2009 at 10:31 am
The note definitely has to make it to their door – you can’t not.
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February 12th, 2009 at 11:22 am
“I am Jack’s seething ball of rage.”
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February 12th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
I’m gonna raise the stakes here. I TRIPLE dog dare you. Leave the note. And a pile of poop.
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February 12th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Wow. Just wow.
I’m raising BPR‘s dare in a serious breach of boyhood protocol to a Triple Dog Dare!
Thankfully it’s only 2 more nights…
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February 12th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
You have to leave the note! But you should do it on Friday so you can see their reaction because it’s no fun if you can’t watch the vein in their forehead pop! That and a flaming bag of poo
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February 12th, 2009 at 11:20 pm
Yes. Leave the note, and possibly call CPS.
Assholes.
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February 12th, 2009 at 11:29 pm
Oh please please please please leave that taped to her door. And immediately cease and desist all poop-scooping. Just let the shit pile up!
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February 13th, 2009 at 2:31 am
If you leave that on her door on your way out on Saturday, I will buy you all your drinks on Friday night at BlogHer. Not kidding.
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February 13th, 2009 at 5:22 am
Dang me. You must leave the note. MUST
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February 14th, 2009 at 5:29 am
Qua.druple.dog.dare.
And ONE MORE SLEEEEEP!!! I’m *so* excited for you guys!
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February 17th, 2009 at 2:30 am
You MUST leave her the note!!! As a goodbye note!
What the fuck is it with deadbeats and Christmas. Half my rental accounts, like 15 people, didn’t pay their rent on time in January cuz they spent it on Christmas. Um…I didn’t get to do that. Oh yeah, I don’t rent.
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February 21st, 2009 at 8:59 pm
Its Saturday, you’ve left for the last time and I’m crossing my fingers and hoping that you left the note in your wake!
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February 26th, 2009 at 6:56 am
Arrrgh, I’m too late! I say you print out this page complete with comments, laminate it, drive back to the complex, seal it on all four sides to her door with duct-tape, and leave a poo. And for the love of all that it holy, take a picture!!!!!!
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February 28th, 2009 at 2:22 am
Oh, man. That note should totally be sent. ;p
yowza!
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April 20th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
Oh yes. Go for it. She deserves it.
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