January 23rd, 2008
Not So Much With The Sugarpants
One extended family member has been taking Benefibre and swears by it to get her system moving in such a way that she loses weight. Fiber keeps you full longer, is good for your digestive system and women need 25 grams of fibre a day (men need 35 grams).
I thought I’d give it a whoorl. No, not this Whoorl.
Well.
Let me tell YOU.
I thought this stuff might have me running to the bathroom 18 times a day, but no!
I thought I’d be wrought with the joy of adult diaper rash, but no!
I thought I would be Karen Poopypants. No! No! No!
The insert clearly states that “As with all fiber supplements the most common side effect of Benefibre® is flatulence.”
Let me tell you something about the lovely people who make Benefibre.
They. Don’t. Lie.
As I sit in the recliner at night, watching television or surfing on the laptop, I am grateful that my husband can sleep through anything. He often falls asleep while we watch t.v. and he’s out until I nudge him forcefully with my fist lovingly wake him to go up to bed.
As he lay all snoozalicious, sprawled out across our couch and ottoman, snoring like an elephant the last few nights, I was slowly suffocating the fabric and filler of this recliner.
These gaseous outbursts were not girly farts. They weren’t feminine squeaks, whispery oopsies or tiny pifters.
I have been farting like a quarterback. A sumo wrestler. A hot, molten, volcano. Well, sans lava.
I’ve induced seismic activity in Ontario that it’s never seen. We’ve used less heat and energy in this house, despite having a snowstorm. I’m doing nothing for the O-zone layer, but hey. One thing at a time.
Last night when I woke my couch elephant to go to bed, he sniffed the air as he stretched, and asked, “What’s that smell?”
Oh you KNOW I totally pointed at her:
January 23rd, 2008 at 12:45 am
HAHAHA. Always blame the dog. Or, in my house, those “frogs in my pocket.”
The dog is a better out.
Mrs. Flinger’s last blog post..Labeled: Things They Should Put On Condom Boxes
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January 23rd, 2008 at 12:46 am
Um, ya it’s old “blame the dog” story. Riiiight.
Sassy’s last blog post..The Calgary Flames – Craig Conroy
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January 23rd, 2008 at 12:51 am
Dude, I always blame the kids!
Alli ~Mrs. Fussypants’s last blog post..Fussy’s Caption Voting, Frump Fighter Call to Duty & Love
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January 23rd, 2008 at 1:02 am
I sure hope my boys don’t read your blog. I’m sure if they did they’d be off to the store to stock up on some of this miracle fart enhancer.
Kathleen’s last blog post..water water everywhere
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January 23rd, 2008 at 1:03 am
So that’s why WNY got warmer those last few days.
Kris’s last blog post..Jerry O’Connell, I want to have your babies
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January 23rd, 2008 at 3:22 am
Ummm, yeah, I completely know what you mean here. And the only thing worse? Nutrisystem. No joke. It’s been referred to as “the walking farts” and I’m NOT kidding! Talk about embarrassing!!!
Amy’s last blog post..It’s My Birthday (Week) So I’ll Bitch If I Wanna
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January 23rd, 2008 at 3:50 am
oh yeah, it’s ALWAYS the dog, you know!!!
janet’s last blog post..Saying no is still a choice
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January 23rd, 2008 at 9:47 am
Do quarterbacks fart more than other players?
Mr. Fabulous’s last blog post..I?m all lost in the supermarket. I can no longer shop happily.
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January 23rd, 2008 at 10:40 am
OMG, this made me laugh so hard!
Gail’s last blog post..Ouch
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January 23rd, 2008 at 11:09 am
one thing, my friend: Beano http://www.beanogas.com/
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January 23rd, 2008 at 12:19 pm
um, yeah, the southbeach diet does the exact same thing…but i wouldn’t know ANYTHING about that… ho hum…;)
ali’s last blog post..used by a nanny pimp?and some heartbreak
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January 23rd, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Clearly, I am 12. Because this has me squealing with laughter.
Miss Britt’s last blog post..It’s Long And It’s Ugly. Tomorrow I’ll Do Funny.
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January 23rd, 2008 at 12:59 pm
Flingers – your farts sound like ribbets?
Sassy – you don’t have a dog so you’re just jealous. Oh wait – you have 2 teenagers you can blame.
Ali – see? I will when they are older! (They go to bed pretty early and all this “noise” happens after that. Romantic!
Kathleen – I could totally see that!
Kris - you’re welcome!
Amy - oh man – imagine the 2 together!
Janet - especially HER. she’s new so I can blame her.
Mr. Fab – Let me ask Jessica Simpson and get back to you.
Gail -
Cranky - but then what would I blog about?
Ali - I’ll be sure to partner the two and save more on my Union Gas bill.
Miss Britt – you and me both man, you and me both.
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January 23rd, 2008 at 1:04 pm
So that’s what I smell! I think it’s coming through my dsl line! PHEW!
Mrs. Schmitty’s last blog post..A Needle In A Haystack
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January 23rd, 2008 at 1:04 pm
At least you didn’t crap in your pants too!
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January 23rd, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Always ALWAYS blame the pet – and the magic of fibre in a pill was the best advice my momma ever gave me (that and “blame the dog”).
motherbumper’s last blog post..one part random, two parts me
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January 23rd, 2008 at 10:01 pm
The photo made the post!
Buffy’s last blog post..working on: the coming of darkness
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January 23rd, 2008 at 10:29 pm
ROFLMAO.
Well, I was wondering what that smell was wafting through my new scent-o-screen laptop
Thanks for the warning though! I’ve had some of this in my cabinet waiting for me to use it, but I am thinking I may just pass it on.
It would be a fun practical joke to add into someone’s food though
Not that I would do that type of thing. 
Chris’s last blog post..I Speak English Get Over It!
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January 24th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
Ha, too funny. I think that’s why dogs were invented, so we could blame our various bodily functions on them.
Karl’s last blog post..Big 7-0 and Favorite Wii Games
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January 24th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
I must be eating too much fiber.
I don’t have a dog, can I blame the cat?
Natalie’s last blog post..Plan of Action Day!
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January 24th, 2008 at 10:26 pm
OMG, I’m receiving funny looks from my family. That was hilarious. Thank you for sharing and thanks for the warning on the benefibre! (Question is, does it really work for weight loss? B/C you know, might be worth it for a smelly little while. LOL)
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January 24th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
[...] quick edit. Upon the direction of Tense I went to visit Karen and laughed harder than I have laughed in a long time. If you need a good fart post, stop by. [...]
January 24th, 2008 at 10:29 pm
kontan – I don’t know, but I will say that I’m quite buoyant with all this gas…so if ever the lakes unfreeze here, and I happen to fall in…I *should* float. And be able to propel myself too!
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January 25th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
Thank God it is “sans lava” because otherwise I was gonna ask.
Eruptus amongus
OMSH’s last blog post..Trading one hog for another.
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January 26th, 2008 at 10:43 pm
OMG…that may have been TMI, but very funny.
HRH’s last blog post..Oh the drama…
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January 27th, 2008 at 10:46 pm
OMG I am just dying right now….I am at a loss for words. you have brought me to tears laughing here….roflmfao
MzPenny’s last blog post..You ?Crack? Me Up
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February 4th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
[...] a couple of spoons of that fibre crap [...]