I Actually Hit Send On This Email and They Will Think I’m Crazy
Dear Gym People,
I joined Major Gym Chain last summer and bought a 12 pack of trainer sessions at that time. I joined at the East Side location, used 6 sessions and then transferred my membership and my son’s daycare membership over to your North Side location (I think that was October). I still have 6 trainer sessions owed to me and called eleventy times (not really) to inquire but was told each time that East Side had yet to transfer my trainer sessions over to your North Side location.
My kids then both got the flu or SARS or Mad Cow Disease or something, and then Christmas took over and since Santa isn’t real I had to do EVERYTHING so I forgot all about you and the size of my gigantic hips (blah blah blah excuses blah) but now that the holidays are finally over, I’d really like to get going on my last 6 trainer sessions.
Hopefully by now East Side has sent my file over (I’m pretty sure mail by donkey would be faster) and I can get started again after Jan 1st because we are having a party for New Years and there’s no way I’m committing to you when there is baked brie and red wine to be had.
Please call me to schedule because the sweet baby Jesus and my mirror both know that I my ass is STILL fat and I need you to kick it! (Also? I’m sick and tired of my husband saying “When is the last time you went to the gym?”)
Thanks,
Karen Sugarpants
Phone: xxx-xxx-xxxx
p.s. Hopefully I didn’t ruin Santa for anyone over there. If so, my apologies.
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
7:41 pm |
High School Musical Sucks!
Dylan came home from the neighbour’s house last week and proclaimed that High School Musical SUCKS.
“Why? What’s wrong with it?” I asked. (I actually wanted to see it because there’s been so much hype about it, although Danny’s infatuation with Vanessa Hudgens makes me laugh queasy.)
“They SING THROUGH THE WHOLE THING MOM!”
“Imagine that Dylan. It’s a MUSICAL.”
“Yeah but MOOOOM…they SING EVERY TWO MINUTES!” This kid deserves an Academy Award for the drama in his contempt for the movie.
“Heh. Hence the name HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL?” (mimicking him at this point – hee hee)
“Yeah but Mom. You’re not getting it. They sing through the WHOLE ENTIRE movie. It’s ANNOYING.”
“Dylan, it’s a MUSICAL. Like the Sound of Music.”
“The Sound of WHAT?”
“The Sound of Music. You know, ‘Doe, a deer, a female deer…Ray…a drop of golden sun…” singing…
“Mom. Mom. MOM!”
“What?”
“That’s gotta be from the olden days. Clearly nobody does musicals anymore.”
Ouch.
“Sure they do. Moulin Rouge? Mommy owns that.”
“Yeah but you’re a Mom. Musicals are obviously for old…for parents.”
“You were going to say old people!” I laughed.
“Well it just seems that musicals are from the olden days, that’s all I’m saying.”
“Well than colour me old, because I happen to love musicals.”
“No colouring necessary Mom. You’re a fossil.”
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
10:34 am |
10 Reasons I Love My Husband
- He was deathly ill Christmas Eve, but still helped me entertain his family here at home.
- He was closer to death Christmas morning, but managed to help build toys, play the Wii, and get through Christmas dinner at his Aunt’s without actually dying.
- Encroaching on death Boxing Day, he got up early with me, drove me to the airport to get the rental car, reloaded the kids and our gifts and suitcases into the rental (a PT Cruiser!), picked up my brother and his girlfriend in our car, and drove 4 hours to my Granny and Papa’s.
- He survived a very loud and very chaotic Christmas dinner with my very loud and very chaotic (and very insane) family.
- Throughout said dinner, he tried (unsuccessfully) to get my Granny to SIT DOWN ALREADY AND LET THE YOUNG’UNS CLEAN UP.
- Gave me his strep throat/fever/death sentence without even kissing me. Talent!
- He spent half of December 27th driving all over Eastern Ontario to find the only walk-in clinic for miles for both of us. There were 30 people ahead of us, so we hit the local pharmacy and bought Buckley’s. If you’re not familiar with Buckley’s, it tastes like melted down Balsam pine needles. Imagine sucking on your Christmas tree. Gross.
- Did shots of the nastiness that is Buckley’s with me for the last 3 days. True love.
- Put up with my constant whining about how sore my throat is, how much my head hurts, how much my body aches and WHY WHY WHY do I have to menstruate anymore since my uterus is no longer a baby factory?
- He still loves me despite reasons 1 through 9.
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
8:13 pm |
