Bathroom Behaviour
Open my bathroom’s 2 cabinets and 4 drawers and you will immediately note that 43 percent of said space is devoted to 7.5 percent of each month. That’s right, I have no less than 2 boxes of tampons, 4 packs of various sized pads and 2 boxes of panty liners at any given time.
Growing up in my grandparents’ home with my kid brother, there wasn’t a woman to turn to if I ran out of feminine products and to this day God himself has put the fear of menstruation onto-ith me.
Not that I could rely on my husband and two sons to bail me out, though SugarHubs has certainly found himself juggling panty liners and things with wings while whispering into his cell phone like he’s on a secret mission, many times. I’m sure the day will come when one of my sons secures a place in my will should he take on such a dangerous and covert operation.
There are things my family members tend to do that annoy the piss out of me on a regular basis, in the bathroom alone:
1) The occasional beer bottle on the back of the toilet seat.
I get it SugarHubs. You come home from a long, grueling day at work, you’re hot, thirsty and craving your first beer but priorities like a shit, shower and shave are standing in your way. How can I begrudge you when you’re clearly multitasking?
Just like you hang up your towel, drop various things into your shaving kit as you’re finished with them, and manage a courtesy flush, wouldja mind picking up that bottle on your way out? It is glass, and we both know our 3 year old and glass in the bathroom probably wouldn’t fare well together. You saw what that child did to my bronzing powder, remember?
2) Hey kids! You all have your own hamper! Use it!
Actually, my 3 year old has mastered this. He strips in his room, throws the clothes right in the hamper and runs around with his bok choy danglin’ about while we’re still doin’ dishes, y’all!
He calls himself Nekkid Spiderman and his spidey senses are always jinglin’. It’s particularly odd when he puts the mask on with the flashing eyes.
3) TURN. OFF. THE. POOP-DAR.
There comes a time when your delicate Mama needs to use the facilities in such a way that she needs peace and quiet.
Solitude.
Freedom.
Much like Gay-dar, you kids, after ignoring me for a complete and solid hour to clean up toys or straighten your rooms, suddenly appear at the bathroom door, near knocking it down!
Just yesterday, young Thomas, you started knocking before my butt hit the seat and this transpired:
“MOM! {knock knock} I need to get in there!” (jiggling locked doorknobs)
“Why?”
“MOM! {knock knock} Because I need a sandwich!”
“There are no sandwiches in the bathroom, Thomas. Go ask your father.”
“MOM! {knock knock} But he is sleeping!”
“Thomas, go wake him up. It’s only 7:30 - he isn’t supposed to be sleeping. He will make you a snack.”
“MOM! {knock knock} What are you doing in there?”
“Thomas, please. go. wake. up. your. father.”
“MOM! {knock knock} But what are you doing in there?”
“Thomas, please go wake up your Dad, okay?”
“MOM! {knock knock} (whispering through the bottom of the door) Are you pooping?”
“Thomas! Go wake up your DAD!”
(toddler sigh)
Thomas: “Wow. Unbelievable.* Can’t even get a sandwich.”
Me, stifling laughter, “Not in the damn bathroom. Sheesh.”
*He totally got “Wow. Unbelievable.” from me. I say it all the time. It could be worse I suppose.
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
1:01 am |
Weepy
Between the peace I felt yesterday during the race and my husband’s comment on this morning’s blog, I’m a little weepy in a good way.
I can’t tell you how grateful I am to be living this life, to be me. To be his wife, their mother, myself. It’s a beautiful feeling.
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
9:08 pm |
From Fat to Fit(ish): Mom’s First Road Race!
(After the race with the team)
When we arrived to my start point at the race (kilometer 24), we were early by about 30 minutes. I was READY. I had a super breakfast, courtesy of SugarHubs, I was dressed (obviously, since naked Moms at the park would probably be kinda weird) and Daren had just pinned my number on.
It was cold as heck though but I guess that’s better than being too hot. I wore my old sweatshirt which as you can see is um, 3 sizes too big.
SugarHubs juggled the camera and the stopwatch on his phone, while looking after our kids. We waited for my teammate (”H”) for a few minutes before the nervous energy set in.
I had to pee. Time check: we had at least 15 minutes, easily.
So I bolted to the port-o-potty and quickly went. I opened the door and heard H yelling, “Karen I’m HERE!!!”
She was clearly high on adrenalin and had beat her Personal Best by 12 minutes!
Oh crap! I ran back to the trail, grabbed the timing chip and I guess I was off! I didn’t even say goodbye to Daren and the kids…just ran!
Everything went smoothly. Between kilometer 3 and 4, I remembered Homie G saying that stretch was a tough time for her - the want to walk is strong. And it was. But I thought about my teammates and decided this was it - there was no stopping. Near the end of kilometer 27, I could see a drink station. YAY! I was dying for a drink of water.
The people ahead of me got the last two cups of water (being held out) and the other volunteers were shouting “E-Load! E-Load!” Not remembering that was the “official drink” for the race, I took a cup, swigged and UGH.
It was like drinking syrup. BLECH!! Thanks E-LOAD!
It didn’t throw me off much actually. Right after that happened, there was an adorable family on the sidelines and the Dad’s voice was ringing in my ears - “KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK!!” and his kids? Giving each runner high fives. I’m telling you, those volunteers really keep you going…it’s amazing the spirit and enthusiasm from total strangers. Awesome.
At kilometer 30 there was water and then Homie G was there with H, cheering me on!
TWO KILOMETERS TO GO! I was pumped after seeing them, and I knew Homie G was itching to go. Course, right after that, there was a killer hill and it took me a good 2 minutes to recover from the incline.
Between 31 and 32 felt even worse. I was trying so hard to push myself to go faster and my stomach felt like I was going to lose it, one way or the other. I managed to hold it together and next thing I knew, I saw H cheering me on. She ran the last 200 meters with me and I sprinted the last 20 or 30 for Homie G to take the timing chip. We cheered her on and she was like a gazelle on meth. SO FAST!
Before I could even catch my breath, I had two little boys in my arms. I crossed the path over to SugarHubs who handed me 3 bouquets of flowers and showed me my time.
My new personal best is 55 minutes. My previous one was 60 so I am SO PROUD!
Happy Mother’s Day indeed. I even got a nap this afternoon before we went to Daren’s Aunt’s for a lovely dinner. My family totally rocks and I tear up like a baby when I think about the support they have shown me through all this training, and today at the race.
I’m am one very lucky and very grateful Mama.
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
10:14 pm |
Last Chance, Charlie
Tomorrow is the marathon relay. I’m nervous, excited and nervous.
But I’m ready.
Today I pick up my timing chip & number from Homie G.
It’s your last chance to donate, to help kids with autism, brain injuries, cerebral palsy, cleft lip/palates, muscular dystrophy, speech & language disabilities, and spina bifida.
From the Thames Valley Children’s Centre Website:
Our Mission:
We will provide rehabilitation services which support participation in all areas of life for children, youth and young adults with physical, communication or developmental needs, and their families, living primarily in Southwestern Ontario by:
* focusing on the strengths of individuals and their
families at home, school, workplace and community
* pursuing research, education and advocacy
* partnering in a local and regional system of services
Our Vision:
* Our Clients at Their Best.
Our Values:
* We believe people know themselves and their situations best
* We believe people want the best for themselves and others
* We believe people are unique and deserving of respect
* We believe people function best in a supportive environment
* We believe people working in partnership can reach goals that cannot be reached alone
Now that’s some work I can be proud to run for.
GO TEAM CRAZY STALLIONS!
I’m so pumped!
Wish us luck, readers!
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
9:06 am |
Haxxored!!11!!1
If you are on Wordpress and have not upgraded to 2.5.1., believe me when I say your blog is at risk.
Once attacked, it can rob you of bandwidth, insert spam links into your code without you even knowing, and prevent you from upgrading. I should know, I’m fixing blogs to the tune of 8-10 hours EACH. That gets pricey @ $85/hour.
It’s not fun for you or your web developer - so if you do not have Wordpress 2.5.1., you really should upgrade today. Or I can do it for you to the tune of $30. Just email me through my contact page to get started.
If you’d like to attempt it yourself, here’s a link to Swank’s Blog to help you get started. Be careful to read all instructions first and back up everything before beginning.
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
3:12 pm |
Food Baby
I’m over here today, giving birth to a food baby. My trainer is going to kill me.
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
8:24 am |
Yes, It’s The 3rd Time I’ve Blogged Today But You Have To Hear This Because It’s Too Many Characters For Twitter
A minute ago, Thomas asked me where the treat he was saving was.
Um.
“I don’t know what you mean Thomas. What does it look like?”
“It’s from Dylan heart doctor’s office.”
I thought for a moment. Ohhh! Lightbulb! “You mean the sucker the nurse gave you?”
“YEAH! Where is it???”
“It’s in your backpack in the side pocket,” I answered.
After I unwrapped it, he held the round lollipop up in the air and screamed, “YAY! IT’S A BALL SUCKER!”
I couldn’t help but burst out laughing.
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
1:39 pm |
He Tries, He Really Does
I just went to start laundry and found the washer full. No rhyme or reason, my husband threw in 3 towels, 4 t-shirts, a gym sock, a sports bra and his work pants in the same load.
Yesterday.
I think.
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
12:49 pm |
Dating A Younger Man
Last night Daren was out of town and Dylan had a birthday party to go to. Since my in-laws were picking Dylan up to keep him for a sleepover, and my dinner guests had canceled, I thought it would be nice to have a date with a younger man: my 3 year old.
So we hit Blockbuster and Thomas picked out two very sophisticated movies complete with Mickey Mouse and a certain porous yellow fella.
When we got home, my date stood on a chair to help me spread nacho chips on a cookie sheet and steal sweet onions as I chopped them and laid them out over grated cheese and diced tomatoes. He watched as I whipped up guacamole and it was he who dutifully carried two ramekins of sour cream down to the coffee table in the family room — one at a time.
When the baked nachos were ready, we settled down to eat and watch Patrick, Squidward, Sandy and Spongebob, both of us laughing out loud at age appropriate jokes, (Have you ever watched this show? Holy barnacles it’s killer funny in spots.).
While my date really enjoyed his dinner, we both stole sideways glances at each other, smiling. It was clear that we were both enjoying the evening. My date was allowed to stay up an hour past his bedtime, and when he did go to bed, he got to sleep in his big brother’s bed, though he wanted to sleep upside down with his feet at the pillow side of the bed.
He hugged me so hard at bedtime, he knocked me over from the sitting position I was in on the bed and giggled his head off.
And even though I had to brush my little date’s teeth and help him put his jammies on, it was the best date I’ve ever had with a younger man.
He had fun too. This morning he came to the side of my bed and said, “Mom? Mom?”
“Yes Thomas,” I answered groggily.
“I loveded the last day,” he claimed (his way of saying last night).
“Me too buddy,” I said, “Do you want to climb in and snuggle?”
He crawled into the softness of my bed, pulled the duvet over himself, and put one little arm over my shoulder as he nestled in.
“Awwww I love you buddy,” I told him.
He put his hand on my cheek, and said, “You’re the bestest Mom ever.”
And right then, I really felt like I was.
I’ve talked about dating your husband before…but dating your kids? Heartwarming.
When’s the last time you had one-on-one time with one of your kids? What did you do?
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
10:29 am |
Help!
Dylan has his annual cardiology check-up this morning, and when I get back I have a mountain of work to tackle, so please gather your kids around the monitor to look at what Avitable found in his deodorant - ask the kids what it is and leave a mommyblogish comment in his comments like I did.
What? I got nothing. Sorry. Geeeez.
Love
Your Mommy Blog Mob Leader
xoxo
Posted by Karen Sugarpants @
7:26 am |
